Dear Bro Jo,
Sorry, it's taken so long to reply.
Lots of things have happened all over my life, and I feel like the situation is both better . . . and worse.
So, I no longer have feelings over this guy.
Its pretty amazing how quickly I can get over a guy if given a good reason.
Right before I mustered enough courage to directly ask him, I heard him complaining about this girl who he considered just about perfect in looks and personality.
There was just one problem: she was taller than him BY TWO WHOLE INCHES.
And I'm taller than that, so I knew my chances with him are about nil and that he's a shallow Hal anyway.
Most of my other single coworkers also have the same irritating attitudes towards women like their bodies are open to critique.
It makes it pretty relieving that they don't seem to think of me as a girl.
So anyway, I'm over him, albeit embarrassed that I was ever interested in him in the first place.
And once I got over him I felt much better about myself, and decided I would never try to mold myself into anyone else's expectations.
And at first I got a lot of dates with other guys immediately after that (at least, a lot for me.)
But now I'm starting to feel lonely again.
Maybe I got too confident after that.
I don't feel like I am unattractive, but there has to be a reason guys find me so unapproachable now.
As I said before, my personality is not naturally that feminine and maybe I should just change who I am while somehow maintaining some self-respect--I've yet to figure out how that's accomplished.
I'm not sure what I want out of a relationship anyway.
I just know that it's what all the chemicals in my brain want.
I feel hijacked, like I've lost not only control of my body but my mind too.
It's just this huge physical craving for cuddles and kisses.
Maybe someone to talk to as well I guess.
My family has gone through a good deal of trauma this year and that might be why I'm feeling this hole in the first place.
Last time it was because my sister and best friend betrayed all her family and friends to marry an abusive loser, and this time its that all the stress on my mom has caused something of a rift between us lately.
I guess my main question is, how do I pull myself together?
Where are good places to look for good examples of relationships?
And when I'm a little less of a mess, how can I find someone who accepts and maybe even appreciates my...quirks?
- Heels
Dear Heels,
Those are all great questions.
I'm sorry if these answers sound cliché, but they also happen to be true.
You pull yourself together by being grateful for the blessing you have and by letting time pass.
You feel better about yourself by losing yourself in service to others.
You look to those who have been married for a long time as examples of good relationships.
And you find someone who will love you for who you are, quirks and all, by:
1. Being yourself
2. Widening your circle of friends, and being a Good Friend to those in the circle
3. Stand in Holy places; be found where Good Guys look for Good Women, and be found doing the things Good Women need to be doing.
Nothing makes us feel better about ourselves than being of service to others.
Learn to love who you are, and others will, too.
They'll see your joy and your positive attitude as something attractive that they want to have in their lives.
Because, after all, you are a Chosen Daughter of God, and there's nothing more awesome than that!
- Bro Jo
PS: Cutting down on the melodrama a bit might help, too, you know.
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