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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

One Girl's Story - Part 2: Getting Stood Up and Dating One of Her Students

Dear Bro Jo,

Here's my dilemma:  I'm working as a TA this semester, and I have a crush on one of the guys in the class.

I work with the teacher in the classroom every day.

How can I flirt with this guy without being unprofessional?

So far, I've stuck with more eye contact than necessary, smiles, and very brief conversations.

As a second problem, I got stood up yesterday.

I had plans with a guy (I've been out with him 3 times) to go to lunch.

He said he'd call me so we could meet up, but he never called. I didn’t call him, because I never call guys.

But should I call him out on his flakiness?

I certainly don't want to go out with him again, but I think he should know that flaking out is not attractive. 

Thanks!

- CG




Dear CG,

Failure to call isn't standing you up; that's when he makes a plan to meet you and fails to show. 

None-the-less, he clearly was flaky. 

Unless of course something happened . . . it would be awful to call him out only to find that he had a family crisis to deal with. 

I don't think you should call at this point. Instead check with a mutual friend to make sure he's okay. 

When the friend asks you why you're checking, tell the truth: he was supposed to call to take you out and didn't. 

That will get back to him and if he realizes he's made a mistake or that he owes you an apology or explanation, he'll call. If he does you might want to listen; perhaps he's worth another chance. 

As for the guy in class, I have a firm "no dating students" policy with the college instructors I supervise. 

They're not allowed to date anyone that they might be teaching now or who is enrolled elsewhere in our same program. 

If someone is in a teaching or grading position as a TA, that applies to them as well, but that ends for the TA once the semester is over. 

If the student of interest is not in the course being helped by the TA, or if the TA is a non-grading, non-instructing class assistant, then dating is okay. 

So . . . I don't know if the same rules apply where you're at, you may want to talk to the instructor, but in general I'd say nothing goes until he's no longer in the class. 

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Ah, dang it. 

I really want to go out with him. 

I do a lot of in-class stuff and all the grading, so I guess I'll have to talk to the teacher. 

Thanks for the advice!

- CG




Dear CG,

That's why I'm here!

- Bro Jo

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