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Friday, August 15, 2014

Stuck in the Friend Zone

Dear Bro Jo,

The "Friend Zone" is an ongoing problem at BYU-Idaho.

Guys don't ask girls out so we naturally place them in the Friend Zone (side note- to get out all they have to do is ask, if it goes good TADA!!!!)

Yet they complain "every girl has zoned me".

Then on the other hand when we show interest, THEY friend zone US.

I also want to say I know it's hard for guys to ask girls out.

It just seems like a vicious circle.

I am so tired of everyone complaining about this Friend Zone.

What can we do to get this to go away?

To get not only the guys but us girls as well to open their eyes? 

Please help,

- Stuck at Friend Zone University

Dear Zoner,

All you have to do is listen to what you've heard over and Over and OVER again:

1) Guys and Girls Can't Be Just Friends

2) Stop Hanging Out

You have no one but yourselves to blame.

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

I finished school a while ago, and am now working in a completely different place. I have not been officially friend-zoned by any guys that I know of, because I have no real relationships with any guys. Neither non-friend relationships nor friend relationships (since you point out that girls and guys shouldn't just hang out, and I agree with that).

But the sense I have is that unofficially (the difference between official and unofficial is simply whether or not anything direct has been said--in my case, everything's unofficial because nothing is ever said) I have been friend-zoned by all the guys I know, and I know many.

I don't hang with any guys, yet I know many, from various activities and events. It seems to me that obviously spending time hanging out or otherwise is not a requirement to get friend-zoned; these guys will label me that way happily without any real interaction ever taking place first.

So, what do those who are like me do about this? Because I feel like I could write the same letter: "Guys don't ask girls out...all they have to do is ask...when we show interest they friend zone us...I know it's hard for guys to ask girls out...what can we do to get this to go away?"

I'm not in this sister's situation of school, or even of spending all my time hanging out. I spend most of my time doing nothing with anyone but girls, because I don't believe in hanging out with the guys; but simply interacting with only females the rest of my life isn't what I want to be doing.

Bro Jo said...

There's a difference between "hanging out" and "meeting, talking to and getting to know" . . . and it seems like you're not doing any of that.

Start there.

- Bro Jo

Graduate said...

Having just graduated from BYU-I, I think there's a lot that needs to change. Besides what was already mentioned (stop hanging out and such), people need to chill out and realize that asking for/being asked on a date is not a marriage proposal. Guys (at least from my observations) generally only ask girls they are interested in for a date. Girls, then, start assuming that if a guy asks them on a date, he's interested. The guys then only ask out girls they are interested in for whatever reason, which reinforces the girls' assumptions. (Which came first, chicken or the egg?) I realize there is a lot of pressure to get married (I lived with it for 4 years), but the first date should be about getting to know someone, and if it leads to a second, that's still not any kind of relationship commitment.
And I feel like communication is another area. We are all so used to texting, tweeting, snap chatting, and whatever other media mediums we have, that the current generation doesn't know how to talk to each other. There have been so many times where a girlfriend was talking to me about a guy, and my advice was "Go talk to him" because they hadn't even done that much yet.

Anonymous said...

Watch the movie "He's just not that into you". Any young man who can not give you attention and/ or respect just needs to be written off the list of possibilities. If you are friendly he should at least talk to you. If he is interested in you he should want to spend time with you (take you on a date) or at a minimum ask you questions to get to know you better. This is a great time to get to know all kinds of guys. You do not need to have a relationship in order to know he is not the kind of guy you are looking for. Make sure you are interested in the right kind of guy. For example if he is a player he is only going to go for all the girls all of the time and at the same time. If he is a bad guy and he can see you will not entertain his evil thoughts it is a blessing that you have been friend zoned. If he is a good guy he might just not be attracted to blonds or super smart girls or girls that talk a lot. Do not force love. Be that best you can be and love will find you eventually. A friend of mine had to wait a long time to get married because as she said, "I was looking at the wrong kind of guys". Be happy and enjoy your life we are all attracted to happy people. Do not delay your education or put of a mission for some future dreamy guy. God wants you to be happy and he will help you enjoy this great time of your life.

Megan said...

I got out of the friend-zone and am on the track to marrying this guy. I didn't stop hanging out with guys, but I did take away the games.

People are so afraid to say what they are thinking. Both guys and girls. Both guys and girls just need to suck it up and tell them what they are feeling.

In every movie ever, nothing works out until they communicate what they want.

How do people expect to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend if they can't do the most important thing in a relationship let alone marriage?

J-Dawg Fluffy said...

As a married BYUI student, it seems to me that most people who complain about friend zoning are only interested in a narrow group of people