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Friday, December 5, 2014

Is It a Waste of Time to Serious Single Date non-Members?

Dear Bro Jo,

Your BlogSpot is totally wonderful and I've been reading your comments and suggestions to others, and I feel that you are such a wonderful adviser that I would like to ask your point of view about my situation. :)

 I am 19 turning 20, and I might say, I look attractive physically. I am not modelesque (coz I’m kinda small), but I take care of how I look like, and other people really check me out whenever I go out. You can say I am quite a stunner (some says).

I am active in the Church and have callings, and am also spiritually fine, I am a voracious reader and love reading the scriptures and other Church publications.

Anyways, enough about that. I just wanted to share, that ever since, I never had a boyfriend that belonged to the Church.

They have always been non- members.

(Of course I know the boundaries and does not push it when it comes to my exes.)

It just seems to be that the members aren't attracted to me?

My bishop told me that I could look very intimidating for guys. It's like, the members aren't attracted to me, but the non-members are chasing me so much.

I admit this could be my fault as well, because I do entertain the non-members, I find them easier to talk to, because when I go on dates with members It just seems so, restrictive.

The members say I am beautiful, and wants more dates from me, but they are actually, are more criticizing than the non-members.

They will notice the littlest details.

With the non-members, they just accept me the way I am, nothing more (in my situation).

And I feel that, for guys, you should accept us girls the way we are, and if you are a worthy man, then we would work hard to be as worthy as you are.

And also, when I date members I feel disappointed (though I don't share it) when they don't come up to the standard, I mean, when I date a guy from the Church, I would want him to be a worthy priesthood holder who sustains his callings and would be able to provide for our future family, and loves the Lord much more than he loves me.

(It would be a bonus if he's good looking too. haha)

But somehow, none of them comes up to the standard and I feel disappointed so I would think like, I'd rather date the nonmember, at least with them they don't know the standard so I could share it to them and make them a better person.

And sadly the non-members who asks me out, looks very handsome and dashing compared to the members, and I am the kind of person who even though likes a very good and spiritual person, would also like looking at someone presentable (since he would be the one who you will wake up with every morning if ever you get married right?).

I know in myself, that I would never ever take a nonmember seriously, like marry him, but in the rate this is going, it seems like I’m about to eat my words.

I know I am still young, but goodness, how would I ever get interested in members?

Maybe I should wait for the right member to come then?

Because the nonmembers are flocking all over me and I'm afraid I might pick one of them, instead of that worthy young man who could somehow be waiting for me out there.

Do you suggest I don't date non-members (the ones I date have good standards but I know that isn’t a good justification), and instead just date members?

Or should I lay off dating a little while and start to assess why I don't like dating members so I could somehow know the root cause of why I am like this and change it?

Is it wrong to date a nonmember?

I mean, you know, the serious dating stuff. I want to be able to marry in the Temple and I know that I need to marry a worthy priesthood holder, but what If I cannot find someone I like in the Church?

They all somehow fall short of my expectation.

I am so sorry for all the rambling and I do thank you for the time you’ve spent reading this email.

Hopefully you can give me a wonderful advice like how you did with all the others. 

Sincerely Yours,

- Miss PH

P.S. It would be so lovely for you to be able to go to a fireside and tell us more, but sadly it might be a bit too far away. I'm here in the Philippines. :) Best regards to Sis. Jo, I feel that she is so sweet even though I only heard from her in some other questions you have answered. Have a great day! :) 




Dear Miss PH,

1. Thank you.
2. Sister Jo and I would love to visit the Philippines! (perhaps next summer!)
3. No guy, especially a "Good Churchy Guy" would be interested in dating a girl he constantly sees spending lots of time with non-Church guys.
4. I think it’s wrong and unfair that you’re holding Church guys to a standard far higher than the other boys you're dating.
Consider: you're comparing guys who aren't flawless in their priesthood with guys who don't even hold the priesthood.
5. Any guy you date at your age who isn't Temple Worthy is a waste of your time, regardless of how nice he is.
6. I know for a fact that there are lots of great single LDS men in the Philippines. Seek them out and give them a chance! 

- Bro Jo

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