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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Wanting a Better College Dating Experience

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey Bro Jo!

Well first I'll give you a little background. I am 18-going-on-19. I recently moved FAR away from a small town where there are few Church members, to Utah for college.

And I am thus far dateless.

I'm doing my part- trying to look nice, going where the guys are,

I'm very involved in Church and have a strong testimony...

I've even used some of your "How to get a date" lines; but to no avail.

I mean overall I'm a fun person.

I love getting to know people, and I think I'm pretty easy to talk to.

In my hometown there were a few boys in my ward who were close to my age.

We were all friends and would occasionally "hang out" one on one...

But no dates.

Sometimes boys are just dumb.

It's true.

Now here I am in Dating Central.

People are getting dates all around, but none for me (yet).

So here's my question(s)..

1) What can I do here to start getting some real dates? I'm just hoping for a better college dating experience than my dateless days high school. High school was great, but come on, it's time for some dating.
2) I can't help thinking that there's a reason that I haven't gotten a date. I think just as a girl I'm inclined to think that because a guy hasn't asked me out, there must be something wrong with me. I know that's not necessarily true. But it feels like it. I really am trying to be the best 'me'. I'm trying to put myself out there. I'm not locking myself in my room so I don't have opportunities to date. But it just hasn't happened. Am I a dud? Is there a reason guys don't want to date me? 

I know I'm still very young, but I feel like I'm missing out on just regular experiences like dating, that are supposed to be preparing me for college and the future, and that it's going to affect how things will work out now.

I mean how many of the girls here haven't gone on one single date?

Is the fact that I haven't gone on a real date before going to keep guys from wanting to date me now?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just looking for advice. I'm up for whatever you've got.

- Milk Dud

Dear Little Sister,

First of all, if this column tells us anything, it's that there are TONS of girls Just Like You, who are also waiting to finally be asked out on a date.  Even at Church schools.

Here are some things you can do:
1) Stop "hanging out" - why should a boy date you if he can spend no-pressure time with you for free?
2) Ask your roommates and friends (those that love you and know you best) why they think you haven't been asked out; be prepared for some hard-to-hear words, but heed their counsel
3) Offer to set your friends and roommates up on dates if they'll do the same for you (have you read about "The Set-up Game"? )
4) Widen your circle of friends - the more people that know you, the more likely you'll get asked out
5) Always look your best and stay positive - no one wants to ask out someone who's a downer or looks like they don't care (sweats are for the gym and sleepwear, not saying you do, but never wear them outside)
6) Always strive to improve - we all can, and nothing helps our self esteem better than becoming better at something
7) Serve others - a lot of Great LDS Guys realize that they will have more service and, frankly, leadership opportunities if they marry a woman that has a testimony of selfless service Plus, and this is the big one, when we serve others our own trials and difficulties seem a little easier to handle. 

Let me know how it all goes!

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Go country swing dancing on campus during BYU Club Night on Tuesday nights. It goes 8:30-10pm, it's free, the first half hour is a lesson, and lots of people go including beginners and first-timers. I'm a guy and most of my dates come from places like that. It's a place where I know I'll find single girls who have the intention of meeting guys and have set a time of their day to do so. It may be hard to believe, but sometimes on campus guys get the impression that many girls don't want to meet guys and date. They look too occupied and on-the-go that you don't want to interrupt them. Going to country swing helps eliminate that feeling.