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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

When Your Pre-marriage Relationship Stagnates

Dear Bro Jo,

I am really confused on what to do. I have almost been with this guy for over a year, have been learning to be able to have trust in him etc., but also I just am not quite sure of where to go with this relationship.

We both only want to date each other and well, he is working, and I'm still unemployed almost of 2 years.  It’s really hard.

I just am not quite sure of where to be taking the relationship, since he is fine with just hand holding, and kissing a bit.

I mean sure we go on a casual date every once in a blue moon, but other than that, I don't know what else we could do to be in a sense closer to each other and build the relationship up, to where the next step would be.

I just am so confused.

Please help.

I am 23 years old.

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

To paraphrase a movie, "if you're not growing, you're dying' there ain't no third direction".

Two years is a long time to be in a Serious Single Dating relationship that isn't moving forward, or really isn't going anywhere. 

Check out "Bro Jo's LEVELS of a RELATIONSHIP" and see where you're at.

And remember, "communication is the key".

When you talk to him about your concerns about the relationship, what does he say?

If you haven't had that conversation, you should.

And soon.

- Bro Jo

PS:  I agree with the Proclamation on the Family where it says that a husband's primary responsibility is for the financial support of the family and a woman's primary responsibility is for the nurturing of the family; I also think that until you're married I think you need to be supporting yourself financially.  Meet with your Stake or Ward Employment Specialist ASAP and get a job.

Dear Bro Jo,

I have told him my concerns about what I think about him thinking other girls are cute,

I know I sound weird, and I just am not sure what to think except I might be unique,

I have never thought about boys, even when I was a little girl, I didn't like them much.

I just always kept to myself, and did my own thing.

Anyways. I did talk to him tonight and he stated he wanted to be on my side which is think about people more then just who is cute, and who is handsome etc.

Peoples personalities shine through a lot more than there looks.

Anyways, I just am really unsure on the whole trust thing,

I mean we aren't sure on how to trust each other.

Sorry to bug you this is just all new to me, since I haven't had a real relationship with anyone except this guy I'm dating.


Dear NW,

There are a lot of issues you're touching on here.

Why don't you trust him?

And why doesn't he trust you?

(Trust is very important in any relationship, but especially a marriage.  More important that Love and Attraction, actually.)

And, on a believe-it-or-not tangent, are you employed yet?

Even in this economy, there really is no excuse for being unemployed for two years.

As my dad says, few things help a person's self-esteem better than having a job, and you, Little Sister, seem to have some esteem problems.

Serving others, getting employed, and trusting in the Lord will all help with what you're going through.

- Bro Jo


Laura said...

Is it just me, or is that second email from her really confusing? Opened a whole can of worms it felt like, but didn't make any sense.

Megan said...

In response to what Laura said, yes. I was really confused at how those 2 things went together.