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Friday, April 17, 2015

What to Do When the One You Like is Dating Someone Else?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi Bro. Jo!

I am a 20 year old girl at BYU, just trying to figure out my dating life and come out as unscathed as possible.

In January I met a boy who I kinda liked. And as the semester came to a close, we began talking a lot more. I started to like this boy more as I got to know him, and we dated some.

Our first date was like magic, simply because I LOVED being with him.

I felt connected to him in a way I've never before, and I have dated my fair share of boys.

He truly is amazing, so humble and caring and gentlemanly, and compassionate.

I knew he was interested in me, and I wanted to be. But I was afraid and I wasn't ready for a relationship at that time, so I pushed him away.

I didn't allow myself to feel so deeply for him because it really scared me.

Every time I saw him I tried to disconnect how deeply I felt for him, until a few weeks ago. I had a dream about him, and I realized when I woke up that I needed to stop pushing him away because I loved him. I woke up happier than I have been in a long time, smiling from ear to ear. I needed to tell him that I was sorry for pushing him away.

I needed to tell him how I felt, and how very sorry I was. I realized then, when I woke up, how much he means to me.

It had been nearly 3 months since our last date when I had this dream.. I wish so badly I hadn't pushed him away because he really does mean a lot to me, but I have grown a lot as a result of my actions.

We have remained friends, but it's different now than it was before.

I have grown so much since that time, and I feel more ready for a relationship, and he means so much to me.

I want to date him now that I feel like I can be a part of a healthy relationship, but last week, he officially started exclusively dating another girl in the ward. I hadn't told him how I felt. I hadn't told him how sorry I was.

I know he still had feelings for me, but because I wasn't reciprocating I think he moved on.

I wish I had told him, because now I fear it's too late, and the man I love may be falling for someone else. I don't know though if he really loves her/likes her/she likes him/feelings are mutual (you get the idea) because they don't spend much time together; today they didn't sit by each other in Church or at ward prayer or at the stake party on Friday.

I don't see them together hardly at all even when they're both at the same events. I've only seen them together at Church last week where they were holding hands.

It's none of my business though what they do or don't do, it's only what I have observed in the past week,

Bro. Jo, I feel as if I made a mess of this. And I really do love him.

What do I do?

He's dating someone else, not me. But it breaks my heart and I don't know how to tell him.

What would you do?

Many thanks in advance!


Dear E,

Go talk to him.


Until he proposes to someone he's fair game.

He may have moved on, and if he tells you so, then so can you. But if you don't give it a shot both you and he may regret it.

Sister Jo says take a fresh baked plate of his favorite cookies with you. Good luck!

And let us know how it goes.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi Bro. Jo,

So, I talked to him.

I told him I was so sorry and that he deserves to be treated better.

Interesting enough, he's not dating that girl anymore. I'm pretty sure she broke it off. I don't know details, but I know he is sad about it, so I didn't really tell him how deeply I feel about him besides the apologies.

I know, I need to be more brave, but I just didn't want to tell him how I felt so soon after a break-up. I'm going to take things slow, continue to be his friend, and see where things go.

Do you think that sounds like a good idea,

Or should I just tell him already?

Maybe I'm being a sissy...?

Thanks bro. Jo

- E

Dear E,

Hmmm . . . the boy you think you might be in love with but never said anything is suddenly single . . .

(Ever hear of the Lord's timing???)

Yeah, I think you need to be his friend and be there for him . . . but I wouldn't wait very long!

The next time you see him, and I hope it's today, I think you should tell him that while you're sorry he's hurting you're glad he and that girl aren't dating anymore.

And tell him why.

. . . arm touch . . .wink wink . . . eye flutter eye flutter

Be Kind, but don't Hang Out or get caught in the Friend Zone waiting for him to make a move . . . and then be sad when he ends up asking out someone else.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro. Jo,

You're so right. (Like always, of course :) )

Thank you for the advice, and for helping me gain the courage to tell him how I feel.

I'll keep ya updated !


- E

Dear E,

Please do.

- Bro Jo

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