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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Dating and "The Bro Code"

Dear Bro Jo,

Sorry if you've posted about this before...I'm new to your blog.

I am just looking for an outsider opinion here.

I'm 19 and a freshman in college.

I have a guy (let's call him A) in my very small YSA ward who seems to like me.

He has two best friends (B and C), and the three of them are inseparable.

They are all recent RM's and good guys.

I have been on a date with A, and we had a nice time. I plan to give him a fair chance (one or two more dates), but I am not really seeing a relationship happening.

My problem: I would like B or C to ask me on a date, and I am open to directly saying "you should take me on a date sometime" or your other comparably scary Tips for Getting Guys to Ask.

I think it could work--B, in particular, is friendly and responsive to my (somewhat inept) flirting. 

However, I doubt either B or C would ever ask me out while A had an obvious interest.

They hang out continually together, and I would guess that they have talked about me.

It is decidedly against the "Bro Code" to date the girl your best friend has staked a claim on.

But I don't want to be A's claim!


I would like to take measures quickly here so I don't find myself a true love interest for A and permanently in the friend zone with B and C.

I also don't really want to put their friendship in an awkward place (do guys think about that stuff so much?) and become the jerk in the situation.

Also, it's incredibly hard to talk to B alone because A (who talks continually) and sometimes C are always there. So even if I wanted to show more obvious interest in B, I'd have trouble finding the chance. We are Facebook friends and I could probably procure his number if I needed to, but I don't really care for that kind of communication in this case.


- College Girl

Dear CG,


Maybe the key is, in one of those rare moments you do get him alone (they have to exist!) you tell B (or B & C if they're together) that you like A, but not as a boyfriend, and you don't want him to "claim" you and keep you from going out with other guys.

They'll tell him (unless you mess it up by asking them not to).

You could also work at setting A up with one of your girlfriends that needs a date, or even better, would be a better match for him than you are.  (He moves on, she gets a date, what could be more perfect!)

Also, you'll need to not do anything with any of these guys that would have the others putting you in the "off limits" zone.

That means kissing.

In case you were wondering.

If you've made out with A, then unless B or C just want to use you as a kissing buddy, they'll be a little put off by that.

They might get over it, but only after an unknown amount of time has passed since the kissing happened.

IF they ever get over it.

And they might not.

Fortunately for you, CG, these aren't the only guys in the universe. Heck, you're not even sure which of these two guys you'd rather date!

Remember, right or wrong, people talk.

Especially in a small ward.

Best to take things slow, romantically, and keep your dates more on the fun side and less on the romantic side.

That is, until you make a decision.

- Bro Jo

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