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Friday, February 26, 2016

Does it Matter if the Girl is Right if the Timing is Wrong? - Part 2

Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks for getting back to me so fast.

Yeah...I suspected you would say that.

It just hurts so much even thinking about it..

I'm going home for a week a couple days from now, so I'll have time to sort out my thoughts and maybe build up the courage to tell her... I'm so worried about her though.

Like I said, she's really depressed, and sometimes she hints that she's even having suicidal feelings. I think my spending time with her helps her feel better...

But that's so much pressure on me to save her, and I don't think anyone can save you from yourself.

Except Christ, of course.

She needs help.

But I can't tell her that, because she gets mad at me.

She told me that I should be able to make her feel better myself and not call outside people in to help her.

Plus, she's technically getting help.

She takes antidepressants and stuff.

I just hope she doesn't try something...

Thanks again.

It's nice talking to someone, anyone, about it.

- Confused

Dear Confused,

I'm always here for you, bro.

Now I'm even more convinced that she's dangerously manipulative.

I think for her sake, and yours, you should have this talk BEFORE you go home for the Holiday.

In fact, I think you should do it first thing in the morning.

These things are better done at the beginning of the day than the end of the day, ESPECIALLY if you're worried about depression or suicide.

(Seriously. If you're honestly worried that she might do something . . .  uninspired . . . for any reason, strongly consider also involving people that can be on alert to help her, such as her parents or yours.)

It will give her all day to work it out, she can't say you abandoned her and left that day, she'll have all day to deal with it (nights are when we're the most lonely - until we get married - and the most likely that time that we'll feel depressed), and you'll be less . . . "tempted" . . . to "make her feel better".

Do it.

You'll be glad you did.

And I promise your time at home will be more fun once this monkey is off your back.

Good luck.

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

Just wanted to let you know that I finally cut off all contact with her.

I couldn't do it before - I loved her too much.

I continued to be her friend and talk to her until about a week ago, when she hinted that she wrote a suicide note and explicitly said that if she had a plan and a little more desire, she would have taken her life that day.

I was scared for her so I contacted her family (we were back home in different states by this time).

When her family confronted her about it, she got angry at me because "I was just supposed to listen" and she claimed it was none of my business, especially since she told me she had gotten over it and was going to bed.

I was shocked.

You can't threaten suicide, then say you're "okay" and suddenly turn it into no big deal.

Or be ANGRY when someone tries to legitimately help.

I should have told her family a long time ago. I know I did the right thing, so my conscience is clear. 

The next day, she texted me "I forgive you,"

Honestly, at that point I got angry.

All night she had been sending texts demanding that I apologize for telling her family, etc, but I refused to respond because I know I did absolutely nothing wrong in this situation.

Her saying she "forgave me," like it was still all my fault, pushed me over the edge and I finally blocked her and cut off all contact.

I did it in a moment of anger, which wasn't the most Christ-like response, but I do think it was for the best.

Maybe it was that push I needed to finally get over whatever feelings I had for her. I now suspect she's not really suicidal at all. I think she was telling me so to manipulate me, like you said. I still love her as a friend, but she has issues she needs to work out, and I'm not helping.

She's pretty cruel to me, too, and that's not exactly an attractive quality.

I told her as nicely as possible blocked her on Facebook, Skype, Spotify, email, and my phone...

She has no way to contact me now.

She probably hates me now, which makes me so sad, but oh well.

I wished her all the best and hope that she'll be able to work through her problems.

In the meantime, I'm currently on vacation with my family, so that's distracted me from feeling guilty and trying to contact her again.

I'm having a wonderful time with them before I head off on my mission to (location withheld) for two years. I saw this old conversation in my inbox and just thought I'd give you the update.

Thanks for the input!

- Confused

Dear Confused,

I appreciate the update.

And I think you've made a healthy choice, even if it took a long time to get there.

A Mission will be the hardest, most rewarding two years of your life.

Proud of and excited for you!


- Bro Jo


Becky said...

A wise woman once told me that sometimes people need a therapist more than they need a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think that is the case here.
This girl sounds way too manipulative to handle being in a relationship and the pressure to commit to being a boyfriend/ girlfriend is one of the signs of an abuser...

Anna said...

I was about to say, this guy got plaaayyed, but then he left which was good. Tbh I dont think blocking contact is necessarily unchrist-like. I did it to my ex to protect myself from more manipulation into some seriously dangerous territory, so it can be a safety measure. Just saying :)