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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

How Can a 16-year Old Girl Get Guys to Be Her Friend and Ask Her Out?

Dear Bro. Jo,

Hello, I love your advice.

I am a 16-year-old active LDS girl.

I am also a varsity cheerleader and AP student.

Now, your natural stereotype would be that I would get guys easily. Sadly, no.

I turned sixteen over the summer and have yet to have a date.

I am smarter than the A-typical cheerleader, and I take hard classes . . . I wonder sometimes if that's one reason?

Guys don't tend to like smart girls.

However, in looks, I feel I am perfectly equivalent to the majority of the cheerleaders and I am simply very confused why I am universally not appreciated by guys.

Granted, I have yet to try your advice on how to get a guy to ask you out, because I am slightly shy.

Not completely, I talk to most people very willingly.

I went to a more private-like school in my youth, and was basically very exposed when I went to high school. I had never had any "guy friends" in fact, I still don't.

So, question: How do I get guy friends?

How then do I get these guys to ask me out?

Thank you,

- June Bug

Dear June, 


I'm not sure what you mean by "get guys" . . . (sigh) but I think you need to stop looking to their attraction (or lack thereof) to you as a sign of your value or appreciation. 

You're shy. 

They're shy. 

Everyone's shy . . . 

Your goal here, IMHO, should not be to "get guy friends", but to learn how to talk to guys. 

Those are very different things. 

The first one leads to guys telling you about all of their other girl interests and ignoring you, their "pal". 

The second is a valuable communication skill that will help you in school, mission (if that's for you), marriage, and life in general. 

See, if you focus on talking to guys, asking them about them, and (this is the big one) LISTENING, then you're on the right path. Friends hang out. 

You don't want to do that. 

Potential Dates are nice and require effort. That you want. 

If you're not sure where to start, throw a video party or game night. Invite tons of Guys AND Girls. 

Check out Bro Jo's LIST of FLIRTING DO'S and DON'TS for ALL AGES found in this post: HERE.

And then, when you're ready and if it's needed, put those "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date" tips to work. 

Oh, and one more thing: if you go all through High School and end up going on few, or even no, dates, please understand that happens to lots of girls who are pretty and smart and talented and fun. 

It happens because boys are scared and dumb and not well trained by parents and leaders. 

And, if it's any consolation, it happened to Sister Jo. Which worked out pretty well for me! 

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

The tricky thing about being a teenage girl is that if you show attention to one boy then the rumors fly and he may or may not appreciate his friends or classmates teasing him because it looks like you like him. Some guys jump to conclusions pretty fast so if I were you I would practice talking to several guys and increase your friendliness so no one can guess who you really like. Guys grow up slower and so look for more mature ones that can have a conversation and not make a big deal about it. Be bold and pick a guy for a lab or project partner. Join some service clubs at school and go volunteer with a bunch of friends that way no one knows who you really wanted to show up:)

PS. The good guys take awhile to find themselves and most young men are focused on college and a mission. It is very hard for them to invest in a lot of things all at the same time. It is not until after they go to college a couple of years or return from their mission that they go looking for a girl to start a relationship with. The odds of finding an emotionally and mentally mature young man in high school are small. Let us know if you find one. We need strong priesthood holders give them time to mature and you will be amazed how attractive 22 year olds are.

Josh Pillow said...

I assure you smart women marry, and likely tend to be happier in their marriages. The thing that most attracted me to my now wife when we were dating was that she was majoring in chemistry. Also, how often you date in high school doesn't really determine how much you'll date in college to some degree. Relax. As Kevin Hart would say, "You do you." Guys'll come around eventually.