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Monday, February 8, 2016

He Really Wants this Girl to be His High School Girlfriend

Dear Bro Jo,

I think this is how I am supposed to contact you . . .

Anyways, I saw your blog and thought it would be a good idea for me to ask you about my dilemma. 

I've been on multiple dates with this girl in my ward. It has never been twice in a row, because my mom has set the rule of not dating the same girl twice in a row, and I fully support that.

I realized I liked her on our first date a couple months ago, and have been trying to figure out what to do about it.

I have never been in a relationship before, and I am 17 years old, so its nothing to do with the dating age.

I took her to our Mormon prom, and it was a wonderful night.

The day after prom, I told her that I liked her, and didn't know how she felt.

She told me that she didn't like me like that.

I by all means want to follow the Church's standards, and don't want to get involved with anything too close.

I am not really sure what to call it, and I think it is alright to have a "girlfriend" in high school.

Anyways, I made sure I told her I still wanted to be friends, and didn't want this to come between us.

Now, weeks later, I still feel like I need to "follow up" somehow, like I just heard in this General Conference talk today. I am just mainly confused about my feelings.

I think she likes someone already, but she hasn't really acted on those feelings.

Am I wrong to want to have a girlfriend in high school?

This whole thing is new for me, and it just has been driving me crazy for awhile now.

I think I have pretty much covered everything that is relevant.

Thank you for your time, and hopefully I sent this right.

- Confused

Dear Confused,

The talk on "following up" was about missionary work, not getting a girlfriend in high school. 

(Remember, the anecdotal story at the beginning was about a guy In College.)

I fully understand the drive to be in a relationship pre-mission . . . all of the Jo Boys at one time or another had a girlfriend (one of them had MULTIPLE girlfriends . . . some even overlapping) and all of them will tell you that they now agree with my opinion that's it's not a good idea.

(And that's a big deal, by the way, admitting that Dear Old Dad was right.)

Advice from Church leaders is also contrary to your assertion that it's "alright to have a girlfriend". 

My advice?

Don't act on anything. If my advice isn't enough, at least pay attention to the fact that she's already turned you down.

Look, how you Feel isn't wrong - it's good that you like girls and want to be in a relationship with one; but the timing is bad.

Casual Group Dating is what you do from now until the mission,

THEN get more serious when you come home.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Dang that was fast!

With the talk today, I was just relating it, wasn't necessarily saying it was the same.

I understand what you are saying though.

I’m going to try and stay friends, it’s just hard.

I am not really sure entirely how to deal with it.

With the title girlfriend, I feel like it is different then what I may have asserted.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if we did like each other?

I see it as being something where we still go on double dates and nothing changing with that, but just that small step ahead where after mission, it could potentially go somewhere.

Hopefully that makes sense.

Thanks for your reply!

 - Confused

Dear Confused,

It makes sense, and I agree with you.

"Girlfriend" is a title that communicates exclusive commitment.

Even when the Jo Boys had Girlfriends we required them to take out other girls . . . which, BTW, made the Girlfriends (and sometimes their mothers) angry.

- Bro Jo

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