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Friday, September 16, 2016

How Soon is Too Soon to have a DTR?

Dear Bro Jo,

I just finished my first semester at BYU-I and met a guy barely before finals week.

The first date went really well, and then so did the second, and the third, and the fourth, and fifth... 

Well, we parted ways for the holiday break and, of course, the moment I stepped in the door to see my family I was pelted with a thousand questions.

Like, have you guys kissed yet?

Have you held hands?

Are you official?

The respective answers to these are no, no, and who knows?


While most outside of our faith would reassure me not to be worried since we only saw each other for a week, it's, of course, different in LDS culture.

Should I be concerned that no definite communication has taken place already between us concerning whether or not we are official?

Or should I just 'go with the flow'?

As for the kissing and hand-holding, I have little reservation at this point and am ready to move forward with that after the break when we see each other again (if he is comfortable).

I know communication is key . . . .I could be straightforward and ask him, "So, are we official?  Are we an exclusive couple?"

I am perfectly willing to do that if he doesn't beat me to it within the first few days back.

That's just the thing, though—I want him to take the initiative. I truly want things to work out with this guy, but I also don't want to jump the gun and send him running by moving too fast.

From what I've told you do you perceive any reason for me to be concerned?

Thanks,

- Name Withheld




Dear NW,

Just a couple weeks in is, IMHO, too soon to be having a serious conversation about where a relationship is and where it's going.

Relax and Enjoy!

You know, Sister Jo and I never had a "DTR" (Determine The Relationship) talk.

We realized we were together because . . . well . . . we were together. All the time.

I think it's clear he likes you.

Communication IS Key, but not all things need to be instantly put into words.

Give this time.

If you still have no clue in 2-3 months, let's talk about it again.

But, for now, I agree with you: once the semester starts again in a week or so I think you'll know where you are in this relationship.

Don't let the curiousness and excitement of friends and relatives make you feel pressured. They're acting this way because they love you and are hoping good things for you.

While I agree that I want him to take initiative, that's not meant to give you license to leave him in the dark, either.

If you haven't already, a note from you saying how much you enjoyed your time together and how you're excited to see him again might be a really good idea.

- Bro Jo

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