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Monday, September 26, 2016

Should He Move On from the Negative Girlfriend?

Dear Bro Jo,

I've been intermittently reading your blog for a while now, and I want to thank you for what you do. 

That being said, now I'm in my own predicament.

 A little about myself, I'm 25 years old and have been a member of the Church for about 3 and a half years now.

I spent the first 2 years of being a member at a family ward and the last year and a half in a YSA ward. I must say it has been a great journey so far with its ups and downs.

Anyhow, for some background on my situation, I met this girl through a mutual friend from our YSA stake about a month ago. I thought she was pretty cool so we went on a date a week later.

We hit it off really well, and as a result, we started spending a lot of time together.

We talked a lot on the phone as well and I enjoyed it, which was surprising because typically in the past I haven't cared for talking on the phone much and would feel bored or distracted. Things progressed pretty quickly and a little over two weeks after our first date we decided to go exclusive. 

Now fast forward to today and I'm at the end of the first week of being exclusive.

The problem is, over this week, I've learned a lot about her that makes me feel uneasy that wasn't apparent previously. I've discovered that she's actually quite negative.

She's 27 and doesn't think she'll get married. She said she's felt like this for several years now, because she doesn't really consider herself "wifey material".

She says she's not really the romantic or lovey dovey type (though she is affectionate, so not sure what she means by this), and she is quite independent.

Another thing is I realized that her testimony isn't as strong as I initially thought it was. I know she's had some issues in the past falling away and coming back to the Church but she seemed pretty good now.

We were talking about the temple the other day and she expressed her concern about taking out her endowments.

She said part of her doesn't really want to take out her endowments because she's afraid that when she ages out of the YSA and is forced to go to a family ward that she will not feel as connected to Church anymore and might fall away.

And she doesn't want to take out her endowments and then have that happen because she would feel so guilty about it.

As you can see, she has a very negative outlook on her future and her activity in the Church.

I told her I didn't understand why she would even let that be an option.

Why would you ever let falling away from the Church be a possible option?

She later agreed that she shouldn't be thinking this way.

The point is, this kind of stuff is very alarming to me and I'm not sure how to approach the situation. 

It's just so odd because, for the most part, she is very pleasant and such a sweetheart and we get along great and have great chemistry when we spend time together, until somehow the future is brought up and then I feel like she's a completely different person.

While part of me is telling me to jump ship, another part of me feels like I can help her but at the same time I kind of feel like that's not my responsibility.

If we were married and her testimony started wavering, then I feel it would be my duty to help her as husband, but considering we've only been steady for 1 week, it is seriously concerning to me.

I feel like maybe this is why we met in the first place, so that I can help her. I almost feel like if I don't help her, that she very well might fall away at some point in the future, especially if she doesn't get married like she envisions will be the case.

I'm just not sure what to do, and it's kind of stressing me out. I would appreciate any advice that you may have.

Thank you so much for your time.

Sincerely,

- Conflicted 





Dear Conflicted,

Negativity could be a deal breaker.

Few of us want to spend eternity with someone who is a downer all the time.

But before you write this girl off try putting a little more effort into understanding her. You might find that building her self-esteem and confidence ... showing her that she's "worth eight cows" (Mormon culture reference; if you haven't seen Johnny Lingo, do) might work wonders.

Sounds like she's worth the try.

- Bro Jo

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