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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

What If Her Boyfriend Chooses a Mission Over Her? - Part 2 of 3

Bro Jo,

Thank you for responding!

I am in Oklahoma, so "all ya'll" applies here too!

The reason I said that I am a potential convert is because I am probably a little further down that path than many other people (at least any people that I know).

First I will address your first concern.

I know and am fully aware that my conversion to the Church has to be for me and only for me.

That makes perfect sense.

It would be pointless to do it for any other reason.

At this point I can't count on much from my ex-boyfriend, so any further steps I take are solely for me...

And I have taken a few.

I am continuing to read the Book of Mormon (which has always brought me a sense of peace and comfort) and pray about it.

When I wrote to you, I also wrote to Voices for Virtue (an LDS non-profit organization with a Facebook page that offers advice and encouragement to youth) and they (I'm not entirely sure how it works) were going to try to get me in contact with local missionaries and possibly a Bishop.

The woman that receives the referrals called me last night and we talked for awhile. She is going to continue calling me, talking to me, and teaching me things, and then set me up with the local missionaries when I go back to school.

Also, a bit more background information--I never really realized that there was anything wrong with my faith or spiritual life until I met my ex-boyfriend.

I had always gone to church out of habit, never getting anything out of it, and that's it. My family is close, but we don't pray together, we don't have family scripture study, we don't talk about anything religious, none of that.

So he kind of helped me to realize through his example that my faith can be so much more than sitting in church on Sunday not paying any attention.

And now, the relationship.

I don't blame his parents for everything, but I do blame them for some of it...

I don't think he was hiding me from them.

I met them each on different occasions, both of which were very brief.

He called home and talked to one of his parents every night (usually his dad) and sometimes I was present.

He would often talk about me, or how he had spent time with my family and I, or our friends.

They were well aware that I was in his life, and he had told them on more than one occasion how serious we were.

I just don't think they liked me from the beginning, simply because I am not a member of the LDS Church.

I still find this frustrating, because he dated several non-members in high school and they never had an issue with it before.

With that said, I'm not defending him.

He did put everyone in a difficult position, and he does need to man up. I completely agree.

And the possible outcomes of our relationship...I don't see him not going on a mission.

If he sets his mind to do something, he's going to do it. He's just that kind of person.

He's very determined.

He wants to go, his parents want him to go, his friends want him to go.

He may have gotten off track and it may be postponed, but he will go.

 (He had a situation with a similar outcome during his young teenage years--he was addicted to pornography. All of that has long since blown over and he's been clean for several years, but he tried and failed multiple times before succeeding.)

So option one seems unlikely to me.

He has also stated (more towards the end of our relationship) that he is unwilling to marry outside of the Temple for any reason.

So we can also mark option two off.

Based on what I said above, option three seems less likely too.

I'm with you, hoping for option four or five.

I honestly cannot see myself with anyone else (though I'm sure every other girl whose boyfriend went on a mission probably said the same thing).

So I'm much more hoping for four than five.

As for the coming school year, he told me before he stopped communicating with me that we cannot be anything more than friends before he leaves for his mission.

I understand that and respect that, and that honestly seems like the best way to make sure that nothing else happens.

I think he will come back to school strengthened and motivated like never before, which will be exactly what he needs in order to stay focused on his mission. So anyway, we will not be in a relationship again before he leaves.

In answer to your final question--am I willing to more seriously consider the Church?

Yes, yes I am, and I plan to.

Again, thank you so much for responding.

I will think about everything you've said, and hopefully you can understand a little better now that I've provided more information.

- NW

Dear NW,

Thanks for filling in some of the blanks.

The only thing I have to add at this point is that, slightly in his parents' defense, they can't not like you if they don't know you, so I'll bet it was more that they were worried about the situation, and it was the situation that gave them something to fear and not like.

And, between us, it's not like they were totally wrong (about his being with you keeping him from being worthy to serve a mission). . . right?

Anyway, it sounds like both you and he are on Good Paths . . . keep it up!

Always here if I can help in any way.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

I guess that's true.

I never really thought about it that way.

Thanks again for your advice!

- NW

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