Is It Possible to Be Too Good Looking?

Hello Bro Jo!

I am a Sister from Canada and would like to ask you a question.

This has been bothering for a long time now- actually, it has always bothered since I was 15.. and I am now 19.

It seems like people just start not liking me because of my looks?

And to that I wanna give an emphasis on girls.. whenever I'm around them, anyone whose in my age bracket, I would always be stared at . . . or even glared at.. and sometimes be ignored and completely not honour my presence whenever I'm around. I'm not saying I'm hot or whatever, because I don't think so. I think I am just as normal as everybody is. But I keep myself well-presented, and loves to dress up, while still having the modest standards that the Church requires- and I am very serious about this. I've tried so many things, I'm always nice, I hangout and sit only with girls whenever there's an Institute Friday Devo sessions, and I still get the same response.

To this day it bothers me- and I am afraid of telling to someone. Because there's no one to tell it to. And I am very grateful to be able to talk to you, someone I know can understand.

There's this one time, it was my first time ever being in Institute, and there was a large crowd, many guys, and a good portion of girls too. When I walked in, for some reason I caught everybody's attention. I thought of this of as because I am the new girl, and so I guess everyone's just like curious or something. Then, when I sat down among the other girls that were there already, there's this one Asian (and I think he's gay, not that it bothers me, because I know Heavenly Father loves all of his children, and I have no reason not to love my fellow siblings), who suddenly just walked away right after staring at me for a long time. Like he didn't want me sitting with his friends there. Completely disappointed me- and I keep blaming myself for it.. and I still don't know why I blame myself for it. I was dressed modestly, jeans, a jacket and combat boots and that was it. No unnecessary clothing or whatever.

And again the exact same reaction is what I always get whenever I enter the room. I'm so confused and agitated.

I've asked many non-LDS friends about this, mostly girls, and they tell me that I just have this aura within me, that even just by walking, I get everyone's attention. And I don't understand.

How?

They also said that I have this kind of face where its fierce, even said 'like model-type', and someone that can be dressed up literally like anything, and still look good.

Again, how?

I don't see it. Really I don't.

And so I think my looks has to do with how people around me react towards having me around?

Yes, I value my looks, and take care of it, but if not being liked, not having girl friends, being ignored all the times, then I'd rather not have it. I don't want it. People say that I probably have a lot of confidence in me, because of my looks. But it actually makes me the opposite way- it makes me so insecure, and even think of myself as someone whose unworthy to be loved because people just never try to like me?

I don't like being stared at, not even by guys. I don't want extra attention.... it literally makes me feel like I'm a walking temptation and I don't want it.. It feels like a curse. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong?

Please help me, I am so confused.. and I think dressing fashionably has to do with it too.

Could you please give a do's and don'ts of modest clothing?

In today's generation, are leggings okay?

I wear fitted leggings (not the thin ones where it could show some skin, but I wear a liner inside, then leggings to make it extra modest), then usually pair it with a nice blouse?

I wear minimal make up, and keep my hair literally just as it is everyday.

Please please help me, I feel like I am inadequate to be around any LDS single adults, because I am always afraid of how they're going to react to my 'looks' I guess. Again it's not looks for me, it's more like a curse.

Thank you,

- Looks




Dear L,


Perhaps if you stop focusing on how you look others will as well.  (Though I have to tell you that being attractive Is Not a curse, it's a blessing.  Yours may be less of a problem of appearance and more a problem of attitude, namely . . . a lack of humility.)

I think one should always do their best to look their best.  But once you step out the door you should be focused on other things.

There will always be people, inside the Church and out, who are petty and superficial and unkind.  Instead of worrying about that, focus on being of service to everyone.  Focusing on that will help you to feel better and open the hearts of others so that they can see that you're so much more than they may think.

And for the record, no.  No matter how thick or thin, wearing leggings (or whatever you want to call them) without at least a skirt over them Is Not modest.

Leggings go under something else.  Leggings are not an alternative to pants.

I heard of an athlete this week who, upon appearing without clothes in a magazine, proclaimed that women do not need to dress modestly to be respected.

That is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

- Bro Jo