Break Up or Stick It Out? (part 2 of 2)

Dear Bro Jo,

I guess there are a few other factors I may have neglected to mention.

First, we’ve talked about marriage a bit and we are gunning towards it, and it was really nice because we never have had to have that whole “okay, so…where are we going?” talk, it just kind of came up naturally. Her older sister kind of confronted her a little and said “if you guys are gonna get married, why are you waiting?”


So two reasons:

First, she always says “when I’m on my feet, when I have a job, when I have things figured out…” kind of stuff. I can respect that, she wants to feel like she is her own person before she joins lives with another person.

Second, me. I have had some major struggles in the past, before serving a mission, with a pornography addiction. Classic story, it reared its ugly head and I allowed it back into my life after I came home. Today, I am relatively clean. But, I don’t feel like it’s far enough in my past to feel comfortable moving forward with our relationship. She knows about it and is encouraging me and we’re working on it together, and I feel like I’m making huge progress. I just don’t feel like I’m ready yet.


So with that as a backdrop…

I agree, you’re definitely right about me making things more complicated than they are due to my past relationships. I still half believe sometimes that people, not my girlfriend, aren’t being sincere with me about wanting me around or “liking me” or anything. That all makes total sense.

Just to clarify, she visits the foster family at least twice a year, though she did say that after the baby is three or so she’s going to taper off visits, because it would start to get weird. I think being involved has been therapeutic for her, to see that her mistake has turned into a good experience for this family and that the baby girl is doing well. But I agree, it’s kind of a strange situation and it’s weird to think about and try to wrap my mind around at times. Maybe that causes some hesitation.


Anyway, I guess it’s always complicated with me. I appreciate you telling me to stop looking for ways out, this relationship has been nothing but good, and good for me. Regardless of my hesitations and concerns, I should be just grateful that things are working out so well for me, in spite of my own personal failings and weaknesses.

- Clever




Dear Clever,

Sometimes when we are expecting the Lord to tell us "yes; do this; keep going" we miss that he is giving us an answer because he isn't saying "no; don't do it; stop".


Motivation and courage usually need to come from within.


Doubts come from Satan.  If the Lord wants you to stop dating her, he'll tell you in a very clear way.


Until you hear that, I say Carry On!


- Bro Jo