Can Snarkiness Get You a Boyfriend?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi. I live with 5 other girls at a religious university. As part of our religious culture, one girl apartment gets paired up with one boy apartment to meet once a week.

Yeah, we both know where this is going.

I'm going to call him "Seth".

When Seth and I met, we hit it off immediately. We have a few interests in common. We talked a lot, mainly only to each other.

Seth and I aren't very nice to each other. Actually, we are downright awful. I tease him and he teases me. It's a nice arrangement.

Naturally, my roommates hopped on the "OMG HE LIKES YOU EEEEEEE" train. Unfortunately, I was on the "Wow what a nice friend he doesn't like me" train. Our trains are going completely different directions. Mine is going to Cincinnati and theirs is going to like Jupiter or something.

Sunday, our apartments met for a Sunday dinner. Seth and I bickered like usual. I ended up getting his number and he and I ended up texting the rest of the evening. He persuaded me to go Tunnel Singing (a strange, weekly tradition at my university. We stand in a tunnel, reach into our deepest, cultish selves, and sing hymns for an hour) that night. My roommate joined me so I wouldn't be alone. Seth found us and pulled us over to his group. While we were singing, Seth and I didn't make any physical contact, or whatever. I occasionally bumped into him to see the hymnbook better, but I wouldn't stay there. After tunnel singing, Seth told me to bring the rest of my roommates with me next time.

The next day, Seth and I were texting again. He kept asking me what my roommates think of him.

So that's the story. A real thriller, I know (perhaps it will be made into a movie.... Jennifer Lawrence would play me and Matt Bomer would play Seth).  I think that Seth and I are just friends. I even think that he has a crush on one of my roommates and is using me to get to her. My roommates think he likes me.

Help.

Love,

- I Just Like Fighting With Him




Dear Fighting,

And your question is . . . ???

Does he like you?

Probably.

Does he like one of your roommates?

Maybe.

If you like him and want to date him and kiss him should you stop the elementary-school playground garbage and start speaking to him with kindness?

Absolutely.

Look, sarcasm can only go so far.  You're both putting up a wall because you lack the maturity to be vulnerable.

Love is a risk.  A risk worth taking.

If this is ever going to go somewhere you're going to have to find moments where you allow you something deeper and richer than snarkiness.

Often potential relationships never happen at all because snarkiness and sarcasm, frankly, aren't endearing; they're immature and annoying.

Consider this:  can a relationship of substance ever be built between two people who mock each other for fun?

Sure, teasing can be part of the fun, but at some point we have to grow beyond that if we want something more than a kindergarten sandbox type relationship.

- Bro Jo