Dear Bro Jo,
I appreciate the thoughtful response from you, especially since you are a busy man with many family responsibilities.
To speak briefly on your candid items. I've never experimented with self-stimulation and am not viewing pornography. I believe your wife is wise to point out those things as being a causation for some men to avoid marriage. Also, I do look forward to having sex with my wife someday. The procreation power and bonding mechanism to my wife are things that definitely appeal to me.
The more I've talked with people who are married, the more convinced I am that you need to marry your best friend or someone who ranks high on your friendship list. I'm very analytic by nature and even more so since my job revolves around that mentality. As a result I'm quick to rule out many girls who I don't connect with early on.
I can definitely see that despite the tough times in marriage and family living there are some very rewarding experiences to be gained.
Unfortunately, I may fall under the "....sad" category.
While I was in (location withheld) there were a handful of girls that wanted to date seriously and I passed on them for one reason or another. There was one girl in particular that I talked myself out of seriously dating because she was 5-6 years older than me (31/32 yrs old), established in her career as a senior engineer, and I was just "a kid" with his first job out of college. At the time, I felt justified in not pursuing her, but I look back and fear I made a mistake since she possessed great attributes and was a cute. I let my fear of her age and her dwindling fertility clock keep me away. The older I get in some ways I feel like my bar has to be set higher because I didn't settle down with a girl earlier. I'm not saying this is right, but it's a thought that has crossed my mind.
Your kissing philosophy is a good one and it works, I've seen that through my own experiences. Ha!
Do you believe it's worth my time to date girls that I don't see future potential in for marriage after having a few meaningful conversations with?
I have set a goal to participate in some proxy sealing's this week with the hope it will add to my desire to date and find a wife after being well instructed this weekend during conference.
Thanks for your sound advice while mixing in some humor, I'm grateful for it.
Hope your week starts off well.
Respectfully,
- The More Motivated "Coming Out of Retirement" Dater
Dear Motivated,
So clearly you have had a bad habit of ruling out women too early or that you maybe shouldn't have ruled out at all.
I think part of that is because you don't understand dating and part of it is because you've been doing it wrong altogether. (No offense.)
While dating certainly should lead to Eternal Companionship, and post marriage is one of the things we need to do to keep our marriages strong, it's clear that you're mentally jumping there way too soon.
That's okay. We can fix that.
And we're going to take advantage of your analytical gifts in doing so.
It's called Rifle Dating.
Take a look at all of the single women you know. It's best if you narrow it down to women who live close enough to date and that you could some day, perhaps in the very distant future, take to the Temple. (That means active in the Church in my book, and that's all.)
Friends. Sisters of friends. Friends of friends. Third cousins. Ward members. Friends of ward members. The girl that works at the grocery store.
All of them between ... let's say ... 19 and 35 with "extra consideration" given to those between 23 and 30.
And, using your analytical mind, pick the one that you think would be the most fun to date and that deserves the most to be taken out on some dates.
Whatever that means to you.
She's pretty. She's interesting. You really want to kiss her. She's just so quirky and weird you find her fascinating. She's a great person. You respect your mom and she told you to.
Whatever.
Give yourself one week to pick out this girl.
(And no, do not share your list or criteria with anyone.)
And ask her out.
Not for this weekend, but by this weekend for the following.
Have a fun plan and go into this date with exactly that purpose. You're not looking for the mother of your eternal children, you're having fun and getting to know someone better that you think is great and deserves to be taken out on dates by a Great Guy (that's you).
And then keep taking her out, at least once or twice a week, until there's some MAJOR reason not to.
I'll be specific.
1. You have confirmation during this time that she's been making out with someone else.
2. She says she doesn't want to date you anymore (which, by the way, you will only know because she tells you so - which means you may have to ask her).
3. You fall madly in love with someone else who feels the same way about you.
That's it. Only those three reasons.
Anything else you come up with is to be discarded as invalid. Because it is.
Sometimes, brother, we need to live a principle to gain a testimony of the principle.
And sometimes we lose that testimony or question our beliefs. That's pretty normal. Satan works on us. We have questions. We get discouraged.
But we need to endure. Sticking to what we know to be true from our past experience or prophetic guidance until our testimony is restored.
Date this girl because she deserves to go out and have some fun.
You have the money. You have the time. And you're a decent enough guy to ensure she has an enjoyable experience.
Plus, you know, the leadership of the Church says to.
And that's a pretty good reason.
When you're on your date focus on finding things about her you like. Deep. Superficial. All of the above.
When you talk to her look for things you have in common. Ask her about her. Make her feel cherished and special and attractive.
Be Sincere.
And Be Positive.
Onward Christian Soldier.
And let me know how it goes, would you please?
- Bro Jo
No comments:
Post a Comment