Getting Motivated

Dear Bro Jo,

Being a guy who (if i do say so myself) knows how to treat a woman (and for that matter how to court a woman) my question is: how do you regain motivation to continue the effort of courting (or for that matter just dating for fun) after a slump that's left you not so thrilled at the aspect of trying, just to potentially fail again?

And what are some possible things to do to prevent falling into a slump when you have failed to do what you know you need to do to pursue a relationship, and consequently been placed in the just friends category?

-Sincerely Complacent as Single


Dear Complacent,

No you're not.

I don't think you're "complacent". I think you're motivated enough to realize you don't want to stay single, or you wouldn't have written the letter. And that, my friend, is Good.

I had an uncle who once suggested to my cousin and I that when asking a girl out "the worst thing she could say is no". That wasn't motivational! "No" sucks. Once you finally muster enough courage to ask a girl out the prospect that she might say no is The Worst thing imaginable, right?

Of course the way she says no could make it even worse . . .

I've had girls LAUGH OUT LOUD when I asked them out; boy did that blow.

And LDS girls aren't necessarily any better than anyone else. Oh, sure, there are lots of nice ones, but not all!

Trying to belay the fears of my oldest son at his first Church Dance I said "Hey, this is a Church Dance; any girl you ask will dance with you". So when he finally got the courage to ask a girl to dance for his first time what does she do? SHE WALKED AWAY.

Looked him dead in the eye, turned around, and walked out.

No joke.

He looked back at me stunned. I was dumbfounded.

When he came back and we discussed it, we came to the only conclusion we could: some girls are dumb.

(OK, she may have been shy, or suddenly realized an immediate bathroom need; she may have even been just plain mean, but all of those reasons are her problem, not the boy's; he needed to find a reason to try again)

So the next slow song he went up to a different girl. This time, and almost every time since (not every time, almost every time) girls have said "yes".

So what can you do to break out of the slump? What can you do to escape the "friend zone"?

I submit to you that both problems have the same source and therefore the same solution.

The first thing you need to decide is that you're a Man of Value, and you Want to Find A Wife. That's your mission, should you choose to accept it.

Once you make those decisions, you'll realize that you don't have Time to be in the "friend zone". Stop "hanging out" out girls' houses, you don't have time. When a girl drops the "let's be friends" garbage on you, counter with: "that sounds nice, but I'm looking for an eternal companion, I need to spend time with girls who see me as a possible husband. If you change your mind, let me know".

And MOVE ON.

(BTW - you may be surprised how many girls realize that if you're not always going to be there as a "back up" that they should move you to the front of the line)

Seriously. Finding a spouse is like finding a job. You're not going to do it sitting around home or hanging out with your friends. You've got to line up as many interviews as possible. If you're out of work you should spend a massive amount of time trying to get hired. Not married? Time to dust off the resume and start applying.

You're going to fail. Trust me. I've failed more "husband interviews" than anyone you'll ever meet. None of that matters because once you get hired, it's Forever. Plus, and if this doesn't motivate you I'm truly sorry for your future spouse: Sex with Your Own Wife is Really Great!

So is kissing, and talking, and holding hands, and presents, and dinners together, and everything else!

Now shake it off and go call a bunch of girls until you've got five dates lined up. Seriously! Go start calling right now. Break out the Ward List. Have friends set you up. Crack open the phone book if you have to.

I mean it! Stop reading and go call!

Go on!

Go on!

This message will self destruct in . . .

- Bro Jo