Homosexuality

Dear Bro Jo,

I think I'm gay. I believe in the gospel. What do I do?

- Gay in New England


Dear N.E.,

Well, which is it? Do you "think you're gay" or are you "Gay in New England"?

Not that either will change my repsonse, I just think the contrast is interesting . . .

First of all, let me qualify my position by saying that I agree with everything the Church has said on this matter, AND I have a lot of gay friends. I'll tell you what several gays have told me: "being gay isn't something you are, it's something you do".

(boy am I going to get the letters and comments on this one)

There's no "gay" gene. That's Science boys and girls. First of all, if there was, it would by design be recessive (propogation of the species and all) and since gays can't naturally procreate (at least not unless they "cross over") "gay-ness" would have been bred out of the species centuries ago. Secondly, you control your behavior, not me or anyone else.

(side note: if you claim to believe in cross-species evolution, you know, one species into another, you can't by logic also believe in a "gay gene" - again, it's Science, boys and girls, Science!)

One good friend explained it this way: "When young gays say that they 'have no choice' and they were 'born this way', they do it as a way to break the news to their parents and judgemental heteros who can't accept that anyone would choose this lifestyle".

Chew on that for a minute.

What he was saying is that just because he's Gay, it does not mean he lacks agency. Unless it's rape, no one forces anyone to have sex, homo or hetero. We do it by choice. The label describes the action. Anyone could choose celebacy, could they not?

The confusion comes in the push for the acceptance of the life-style choice by famous people and those that believe one should not be "labeled" by one's actions (the later of course being ironic, because people who label themselves "gay" are already choosing a label - they just want to define how everyone else views that label - Chew on THAT).

News flash! A guy can be effiminate, like pink and curtains and think so-and-so is a good looking guy and not choose to have sex with other guys. Likewise, a girl can think other girls are pretty, lift weights and cut her hair short, and that doesn't make her a lesbian. The act of sex with the same gender makes you a homosexual (it's in the word, kids) not your feelings hobbies or thoughts.

And, something that certain folks hate brought up: Sex does not equal Love (oh, if only more young women would realize that . . .). You may choose to have sex as an expression of love, or give in to sex because you know the person you're with likes it, but for the most part we do it because it Feels Good. Good enough that too many people ignore the consequences of having sex with someone that is not their spouse - and there the "natural man" (and woman) can lead us in to Huge Problems. If you give in to what "feels good" (outside of a marriage as husband and wife as God requires) you invite all kinds of trouble, Homo or Hetero.

(Do I need to mention all the people that were straight, but now, later in life, are gay? Or those that were gay, but now are straight?)

If you're stuggling with sexual desires that you know are inappropriate (this goes for ALL), take the following steps:

1. Evaluate who your friends are. If we surround ourselves with those that encourage bad behavior, the tendency to give in to temptation is greater.

2. Give up the Porn. You read that right. Take your movies down to PG, stop watching inappropriate Television, and change where you surf on the net. Spend your time with Christ in the Scriptures and at Church. Gratification is the opposite of respect, and whether it's visual, actual or other, indulgence leads us from that which is holy; have some self respect.

3. Talk to your Bishop; now is not the time to be prideful.

4. Know that You're Loved, even if your behavior is not. The Lord loves you, Heavenly Father loves you, and so do those of us that are your friends.

Sex is to be saved for marriage, and marriage is to be between a man and a woman.
One last thought: love the person, even if you don't love the choices they make. I don't agree with all of my friends choices, and they don't agree with mine. We're still friends. Everyone has value, and Everyone is a Child of God.

- Bro Jo