Wishing . . .

Dear Bro Jo,

My friend recommended me to your advice website because I've been having guy trouble.
For Background information I am 19 and have been attending a YSA ward in my Southern CA town for almost two years.

The problem I'm having is the "not much dating" scene, let alone a relationship.

1. I have gone out only a few times and I'm starting to wonder what is wrong. In truth, I have done most of the asking and that hasn't gone over well as you pointed out it usually wont on your Dear Bro Jo website. In fact, the guys I have interest in verses the ones that show interest in me are very different. Guys I like tend to turn out shallow - no matter how hard I try not to go for them - and care more about looks than a testimony. The ones that follow me around are very creepy even after I give them a chance I still find they make me feel uncomfortable.

2. In my ward there are two kinds of girls. There are the popular, thin, pretty, and socially gifted that get 90% of the guys attention. Then you have girls like me who are round, simple, and true friends. Why are people attracted to the things that in the long run aren't that great? Myself included.

3. Should I even try to date or get a boyfriend? I have gone on a few dates that have been really fun, but no boyfriend and no second date. I have asked some of my closest friends their honest opinion if I acted odd in front of guys and everyone said I was fine. Even when I did a double date with my friend/cousin and her boyfriend she thought I was fine.

4. I have been told "let love find you" but when you've been in a YSA ward for two years and not even a speck of a relationship, you tend to worry. Besides, I don't have a problem taking my time to fall really in love with someone. I just wish I had someone I could take my time with a nice guy who likes me, without worrying about the other girls going after him as always.

What should I do?

~Wishing for Guidance


Dear Wishing –

Welcome! Please tell your friend I said hello and thank you.

(I hope your friend warned you that I don’t hold back)

Ready? Here we go.

1) Nothing’s wrong. You’re only 19 for gosh sakes! Sure, some girls are married and pregnant by then, but so what? For some it takes a little longer to find a decent spouse, so hang in there. The bigger issue than you still being single and having only gone out a few times is the types of guys you’re limiting yourself to: the shallow ones. Write off the creepy ones, but everyone else should be fair game. Date everybody; there are lots of great guys out there that may not grace the cover of Surfer Magazine (which, lest some of you readers read too much into that tongue-in-cheek comment, is not to be taken as a remark about surfers being shallow – it’s a Southern California joke) but will make wonderful, caring husbands. Consider this: maybe it’s not the guys that you’re attracted to that are shallow, but you.

2) What was it I was saying a sentence ago about you being shallow . . ??? Oh yeah: You’re Shallow. Just because a girl is Pretty and Outgoing does not mean that she’s not a true friend. Hmmm . . . I think there’s something in the scriptures somewhere about jealousy . . . gosh, where could it be?

3) Yes; you should be trying to date AND to find a Long Term (and by that I mean “Time and All Eternity”) Relationship. At this point in your life it’s Job One. Don’t obsess, but Temple Marriage needs to be a serious goal. Don’t worry about acting odd; worry about being true to yourself and focus on being the type of person that you want to marry.

4) Oh no! Two WHOLE years?!? Call the cops! A crime has been committed! Seriously: Please! Two years is nothing, especially if you haven’t been TRYING. And, No, Little Sister, simply hoping Prince Charming will be assigned as your Home Teacher and Fall Madly In Love with you the first time you open the door is NOT trying.

What you need to do, in this order, is:

1) Relax. All is not lost, and time has not run out.

2) Work on becoming the type of person that Good Men are attracted to. So what if you’re not Super Model Pretty, do the best you can with what the Good Lord hath blessed you. ((By the way, as someone who’s met more than a couple Models and Actresses, I can tell you Right Now, very few of them are as striking as many of you are given to believe.) Work on being happy with who you are, but also recognize that you have the power to change some things.

3) Draw closer unto the Savior and Strengthen your Testimony. Doing the simple things that draw you closer unto God will help you to hear and feel the Spirit, and in this, like any trial, the Spirit can help you through.

4) Consider President Hinkley’s “Be’s”, especially “Be Happy”. No man Smart enough to marry you will want to be around someone who’s a downer.

For more Helpful Hints, check out some of my notes on the Facebook Fan Site, like:

Bro Jo’s TEN WAYS To INCREASE The CHANCES a GUY WILL ACTUALLY CALL

Bro Jo's "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date"

and

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"

Keep me posted on your progress.

Chin up and Good Luck!

- Bro Jo