Is "French Kissing" OK?

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a senior in High School and am ready to go off to college. I have been dating my best friend and could never be happier. He is a nonmember with very high standards. He first asked me out when I was 16, but he was a year younger and I told him our church standards and said I wouldn't date him til he was 16. He became my best friend and much to my surprise, he waited. This is where the problem come in.

He kissed me and I wrote it in my journal and my parents had a cow. I was not allowed to talk to him for a long time. As a result I stopped writing in my journal. I don't talk about my personal life to my parents or my friends. After 10 months, my parents finally love him so I don't want to mess that up. We've French kissed before but that is it. He isn't forcing me to do anything. In fact he has a Strength for Youth pamphlet and follows it so I can "always be temple worthy." So is French Kissing wrong, I mean our relationship is not built on it. It is just the Strength of Youth is so vague when it comes to this subject.

Thank you

- Anonymous


Dear Ann,

Ah . . . Swapping Spit . . . Rolling Tongues . . . Tonsil Hockey!

Never a Good Idea in Flu Season.

Frankly I think the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet is a little less vague than you want to believe . . . but then this isn't really an issue of kissing. Your problem is that you're looking for reasons to justify behavior that you, deep down, feel is wrong.

He's a great guy . . . your parents over reacted . . . it's only a little kissing . . . blah, blah, blah.

It's not that the act of kissing a boy at your age is horrible, to me it's more an issue of your attitude. You're writing me hoping I'll say "nah, it's not that big of a deal; your parents need to relax" (as if you've never read anything I've ever written about parental advice, following the rules, PDA in general, or kissing specifically - you guys do read through the past columns, right?), but IF I was going to say that, and I'm not, the next question is: what's next?

I doubt you two are agressively expressing your mutual attraction with the lights on in front of your Grandma, are you? So what's the deal? Are you in the car, on the sofa, or hiding in a closet?

(Sweet Betsy, tell me you're not in a bedroom!)

You may say I'm an old guy who's over-reacting, but I'm no moron; I know that what you're doing requires you to be alone, and I've got a nickel that says you're doing what you're doing in a "dark or mostly dark" place. Remember, I'm a married guy, and as such have gone "all the way" (7 kids, thank you very much) and I know the distance from Passionate Kissing to the Next Step is a very short one, as is each step beyond that. Once the motor gets running it gets more and more difficult to turn it off. (I've got another nickel that says you've run pretty close to that line, and perhaps crossed it - a little - already.)

You believe you can draw a line, and I'm telling you it doesn't work, not forever. No couple who likes each other and is attracted to each other can play and win the "how far can we go without going too far" game.

So knock it off.

You're graduating in six months. You shouldn't even have a boyfriend at this point. And let's be honest, no matter how great this guy is, once you get to college and have a chance to date Return Missionaries who are marriage eligible your little High School Boyfriend will be nothing more than a distraction or a plaything, if you keep him around at all, which I doubt (and you shouldn't).

So stop playing around.

Get back to Casual Group Dating. Follow the rules. Mix it up. And get prepared to move on to the next stage of your life.

- Bro Jo

PS - Sister Jo wants me to remind you that you don't need to have a boyfriend to have value, and "nice guy" or not, you shouldn't waste your time with someone who's not yet qualified to bring the Priesthood into your married life (AFTER he gets baptized and ordained, perhaps, but not before), and that needs to be your focus. That and your school work.