I'm 18 years old and I’m a senior this year.
Throughout all of high school all my friends seemed to talk about one thing: kissing.
I didn't get my first kiss until this year and now I’ve kissed two girls. I sing in the choir at my high school and we did a lot of Christmas gigs. One of my best friends that I’ve always had a little crush on sang in the group with me, (we'll call her Mary).
I spent a lot of time with her because of being in this group with her. She's way easy to talk to and we always have a good time, we've been on a few dates but nothing has ever come of them. I realized that I’ve always liked her but never really tried anything because I was afraid, and making relationships with other girls was just easier. Bro Jo, I’m way ashamed of kissing those two girls now that I like Mary more than any of the other ones.
Here's the killer: Mary has never been kissed. I feel way dumb for not waiting to kiss someone that I really like and respect, peer pressure was a big part of it but those kisses were my decision. I like Mary a lot, and I respect and appreciate the person that she is. I know that I shouldn't steady date in High School, and my mission is more than likely less than a year away. But I feel like she's someone I want to stay in contact with but I feel like I’ve ruined the possibilities of a future relationship because of the person I’ve been in High School.
What do you think I should do?
Do you think the possibility is still there and even if it is do you think I should still think about it or pursue it?
I read your advice on Facebook and I love and appreciate it. So, any advice you have for me personally would be greatly appreciated because I’m stumped on this one.
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
(Am I getting a bit jaded after doing this a while, or is it ironic how many readers sign letters "Confused"???)
Alright, Brother, here we go:
First of all, I don't think you've ruined your future, with Mary or anyone else, necessarily. As mistakes go, I appreciate the sentiment, and I certainly wish you'd been a slight more judicious, but IMHO I don't think we're talking about anything that's a huge deal here (good thing we're just talking about kissing here, and not sex - THAT would be a different story - for a lot of reasons), but then as far as she's concerned that's really her call to make, not mine.
You're both still young, you being a Pre-Mi and all (I pronounce that Pree-mee, like a baby, just so you know) but honestly if I ever get a letter from a YSA Gal (weird, now that I think of it, that I haven't yet) who says "Bro Jo I really like this guy but I just found out he kissed two girls in High School and now I don't know what to do . . ." I'd tell her to
Get
Over
It.
(So long as we're still talking about kissing)
So . . . what now?
I think you should take Mary out on a couple Casual Group Dates between now and the time you leave (provided, of course, that she's old enough), just follow the Dating Rules (and you may want to review my column on Kissing Appropriateness).
Unless there's more to the story that you've not told me, I think you're fine but again, she'll have to make up her own mind.
I Would Not bring up the other girls anytime soon. If she asks if you've ever kissed anyone before I wouldn't lie, but I'd be chivalrous (and dodge the question) with something like "Mary, when I'm out with you I don't even think about other girls" and "I'm not the type of guy that, when and if he ever kisses a girl, would tell anyone; as far as I'm concerned something that special should be between just her and I".
Hey, Sister Jo is no neophyte, and that type of stuff still works on her!
When you leave on your mission, focus on that. Don't ask nor expect any girl to wait for you. If Mary writes to you, write her back. Share with her your testimony of the Gospel and your love for the people and the work.
If you still feel the same, and if she's not married, when you come back then take her out again.
You never know.
- Bro Jo
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