Kissing

Dear Bro Jo,

What is your opinion on the issue of kissing?

W&N


Dear W&N,

I’m a fan.

- Bro Jo


Too short?

OK. I’ll clarify.

Kissing, and its Other Culture Equivalents, can vary widely in what, when, where, whom and how it’s appropriate. For the purpose of this discussion I’m going to assume you’re a Young Guy who honestly has no clue, is living in a Western Culture (like the United States, Canada or certain parts of the UK) and desperately wants to do some kissing . . . and I’m not talking about “babies because you’re running for office”.

Here is: “Bro Jo’s List of: KISSING APPROPRIATENESS”

What - Peck Kisses on the Cheek (or sometimes Lips)

WHOM

Parents and Other Close Relatives – Hello and Goodbye before and after long times apart.

How long is a long time?

That depends on your age.

-  If you’re Under 2, five minutes is a long time to be apart.

-  Kindergarten through High School, I say kiss your parents hello and goodbye every time you leave the house – not to be morbid, but what if it’s the last time you see each other?

-  College Age and Older – I’d say Hellos on Holidays and anytime you’ve lived apart for a while.


Little Kids – It’s generally NOT a good idea to kiss little kids, even if you ARE a little kid, unless the child is yours, or a little brother or sister. When unrelated Toddlers kiss each other, it really is pretty innocent - even if a Serious Germ Nightmare – still, I think it should be discouraged. Like modest apparel, no age is Too Young to start teaching appropriate behavior.


Friends – Never. If you’re really close friends, and everyone is comfortable, then perhaps a kiss on the cheek after a long absence, but (especially you Sisters) people need to realize that sometimes a "friend" is really trying to plant one on you.


Pre-Dating Age – Not recommended . . . at all. I’m not naïve. I know that some of you smooch. I understand why, but it’s NOT a good idea. Sister Jo’s Grand-mama used to say “Make out at 12, knocked up at 17!”

Grand-mama was blunt that way. She was often right, too. Physical stuff is like a drug. Once you start kissing In That Way, it can quickly become Not Enough. (This, by the way, Sisters, is one of the reasons why Bro Jo discourages the Boyfriend-Girlfriend Thing until AFTER High School for Girls, After Mission for Boys.)


Casual Group Dating Age (16-18 for gals, pre-Mission for guys) – At the end of a Casual Group Date, under the porch light, standing up, afraid your dad might open the door . . . yeah, I’m OK with that, so long as both people are comfortable and it’s not the first two dates with this person. (Remember the Dating Rules – go out with the same person no more frequent than every third date) Be careful! For many of us any kind of kissing, even the non-make-out kind, feels like a commitment (as mentioned in “Bro Jo’s RELATIONSHIP VOCABULARY” , and you don’t want that.


Serious Dating Age (after High School for girls, post mission for boys) – Totally appropriate, and recommended.  If you want to hold back the first few dates, fellas, I think that's gentlemanly.  Remember, we're just talking about simple kisses here, so if you're not so inspired by the end of the third date, perhaps you should move on.



What - Longer, More Passionate and Intimate Kisses

WHOM

Married People – Don’t embarrass your children (too much), but so long as both of you are comfortable (and healthy), I doubt there’s anything such as Too Much Making Out – kiss away!
Of course, what you realize after a few years (and a few kids) is that, as fun as kissing (and all that other stuff) is, it’s not as important as spending time together. Even though you’re married, you still need to court each other. The same three P’s apply: Plan – Pick Up – and Pay.

Have a Plan, or at least a regular schedule. I recommend once a week (or as close to that as possible). Some impromptu dates are OK, too, just be sensitive to each other’s schedules.
Pick Up, which in your case means “get out of the house”. Sitting at home, especially with the kids, is NOT the same. Trust me, you both need to get out.

Pay doesn’t mean to blow a lot of dough. Even if you have more of it now than when you were dating (which is, of course, rarely the case for the Newly Married), you don’t have to spend a lot of money to spend time together. Some of the Best Dates I have with Sister Jo involve a cookie, a cocoa, and a nice long chat.

Almost Married – I hope there’s enough passion in your relationship that you struggle keeping your hands (and lips) off each other. If there’s not, and if that’s important to one or both of you, you may need to talk it through, and perhaps even re-consider. Don’t put yourselves in situations where the Temple is no longer an option, but there’s no need to ignore each other, either.

Seriously Dating Age (again: after High School for girls, post mission for boys) – like the almost married, don’t put yourselves in situations where the Temple is in jeopardy, and have the self respect to stay away from Make-out sessions without commitment (I know what some of you at the Y are doing . . .), but a little kissing isn’t just OK, it’s advised. Stay away from this type of kissing the first few (3+ dates) . . . if you can (and you should) . . . especially if you’re a YSA. SA’s may find that a good, passionate kiss is the Beginning of a relationship, or rather, that step that catapults you from pretending you’re “just friends” to realizing you’ve always been in love.

Remember, President Hinckley admonished us to Be Smart, but he also told us to Be Happy (at least, I’m pretty sure that was in there somewhere . . .).

*Note whom Bro Jo has NOT said Passionate Kissing is for.

I’ll bet that’s a lot more information than you had in mind!

- Bro Jo


Readers:  Bro Jo would love to hear your thoughts on this subject, especially from those of you around the world that live (or have lived) in different cultures. What’s the “Kissing” equivalent there? What’s appropriate?