Ask Him to Ask You

Dear Bro Jo,

There's a guy in my singles ward that I am interested in. I've only talked to him twice, but he seems really nice and easy to talk to.

My roommate is going to be in a musical performance in two weeks, and she was able to reserve 10 tickets for us (her roommates). She said that we could bring along a date or a friend. I was thinking about asking this boy to come with me as my date. I dunno if it would work if I asked him to come as a friend--it would just seem like a date, even though we're going to be in a big group.

I know that you advise against girls asking guys out. But I would really like to get to know this guy better. Should I just continue talking to him when I see him at church and hope he asks me out first? Or would it be ok to ask him to this performance?

 Thanks,

Interested Girl


Dear Interested -

There are lot's of ways to get to know this guy better without asking him out, AND there are ways to get HIM to ask YOU to the performance - which is Exactly what you want to happen.

First, let me explain Why you Don't want to do the asking.

It's really no different than having a guy come over to your apartment and "hang out" while you make him cookies. Old Fashioned or not, the reality is that Guys need to be Guys, even if they don't know it. A man needs to know that he can Provide and Protect, and he needs to be appreciated for his ability to do those things. We like a challenge, but we also look for the path of least resistance.

It's our nature.

You look confused. Let me explain. (I'm a man.  We also try to fix things, each of us in his own way of course, but that's also part of the "path of least resistance".)

Some guys choose to sit on the sofa instead of workout. Now you can easily see that as "path of least resistance", right?

Well, deep down, that "path of least resistance" is why those of us that workout chose to workout.

For the guy on the sofa, it's easy to understand that he's getting all he feels he needs and wants with minimal effort.

For the guy in the gym what he needs and wants may be "attention from women", "to feel better about himself", "to show off", "to improve his health", "to be a better athlete" - whatever the reason, he believes that working out is the easiest way to get there. If he could figure out how to get women to swoon over him (or whatever his goal is) without lifting weights, he'd stop lifting.

Guys want women.

All guys. (Even the "gay" ones, but that's a topic for a different day.)

Some guys want women physically.

Some want to be nurtured.

Some want companionship.

All of us want to be appreciated.

But whatever the reason (or combination of reasons, which is most likely the case), guys will pick the path of least resistance.

If what a guy wants is companionship, and your apartment becomes the "hang out" house, with no romantic obligation on his part, you sisters find yourselves giving and not receiving. You're no longer a Possible Date, You're a Buddy.

Guys don't ask out their buddies.

(More letters are written to me by Young Sisters complaining that guys - including husbands and boyfriends - don't take them out than all other topics combined. Ponder That.)

If you ask this guy out it is statistically unlikely that he will see you with all the value you deserve. You will have, even if only subtly, removed his power, and it will affect your relationship, possibly resulting in there being No Relationship.

If he likes you, and I bet he does (he's a guy, you're a girl, and he talks to you - that's pretty much all you need), he wants to put and keep you on a pedestal (which Sister Jo says is a "very good thing") - the last thing you want is to step down from that pedestal.

So . . . what's a girl to do?

Time is of the essence; you need to be blunt.

Go up to him, take him by the arm, bat your eyes, and in your best, flirtiest voice, tell him you want him to ask you out.

Start by complimenting him. Girls need sincere and thoughtful compliments; with guys it's much easier. Even if you come up with something lame we'll like it.

"Hi, (insert first name here). Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?"

He'll know something's up, but again, he won't care. He'll like the attention.

"I've been thinking that you and I are great together, and that you should ask me out on a date."

He'll be bewildered, but happy.

"My friend has reserved a bunch of tickets for her performance on (insert day here)."

The set up.

"I really want to go."

And then use the ol' missionary commitment pattern on him.

"Will you ask me to be your date to the performance?"


(OK. I'm sure many of you readers think that sounds an awful lot like Her asking Him out, but it's not the same. Sure she has the control, and is leading the conversation, but he still gets to be Big Man Who Provide Date for Woman in Need of Date.)


I know it may sound scary, and the first few times you do, it will be. (Hey - even if you end up with this guy, the skill of flirting with one's husband to get what she wants is something a wife can always use - again, just ask Sister Jo.)

Your mind may be filled with what if's.

That's OK.

Let's address the two biggest ones: "What if he Won't" and "What if he Can't".

Two different things.

If he Can't, that you can work with. A simple, perhaps fake-pouty: "Too bad", followed with a "Well, you really should take me out on a date. You know my number; call me" will work.

(At the very least he'll stay up nights.)

If he says that he won't, perhaps because he has a Girlfriend of which you are unaware, or because he just doesn't feel that way about you, I'd go with: "Oh, I understand", even though you probably don't, and walk away. Painful, yes, but at least then you'll know that acquaintances is all you'll ever be.

And that's been known to change, too, but it will be up to him, and you can move on.

Don't hesitate. Go ask him to ask you.

Right Now!

(or at least soon)

Good luck! Hope you have fun at the show!

Let me know how it all turns out,

- Bro Jo


(Sisters, for more ideas check out "Bro Jo's HOW a GIRL CAN GET A GUY TO ASK HER on a DATE" and "Bro Jo's 10 WAYS to INCREASE the CHANCES A GUY WILL ACTUALLY CALL")