Dear Bro Jo,
We need some major advice on a problem that we have with a friend of ours and it deals with relationship issues.. Ok, So we have a friend who, (mmmm what's the word)... who... flirts a lot and who unfortunately breaks up relationships. You would say she's a bit of a "home-wrecker"...She's a great person, but certain things she does are not so great. In the last year our friend has broken up a temple marriage, an engagement and most recently a relationship between her best-friend and her boyfriend. Now as her friends we've always been concerned about her "ways".. She doesn't deliberately throw herself onto a girls boyfriend or husband, but she's very discrete.. She does little things that entices guys to "cheat" on their girlfriend/wives, like flirting, texting and meeting up with them for luch. It doesn't go to any extreme extent. No kissing or funny business. She just leads them on and the destruction goes from there. Not long, the guys fall for her.
We've always known her to be a "boyfriend stealer" or a "temptress". Now as her friends were getting to a point where were frustrated with her ways. Don't get us wrong, we trully love her but we feel the need to intervene and get her to literally STOP breaking up relationships.We believe that she gets a thrill in pursuing guys who are taken. She seems to always laugh it off and assume that the guys are idiots, but we both know it takes two to tango. So Bro Jo, what should we do?
From Two Distressed Friends.
Dear Distressed,
Hmmmm . . .
There are several things you should do.
First, get a clue. The girl is doing a lot more than innocent flirting. No guy dumps a girl or a marriage if there's nothing physical going on. Someone's not telling the whole story . . . Either she's not breaking up the couples she says she is (there could be a few reasons she's making this up or exaggerating), she's much sluttier than you're admitting or realize, or you're not being straight with me (which I'd like to think is the least likely option).
Secondly, as you said, it takes two to tango. No woman is hot enough to tear a loyal man from his wife or fiance. Something was already wrong there, and frankly he deserves more blame than your friend.
Third, your friend has some serious problems. At the very least she's a pathological liar, whether its to you about her exploits or to the men she's having sex with, she's also lying to herself and to her God. She clearly has lost her sense of self worth and is either lying or adulterating as some misguided attempt to impress someone in the wrong way. She's going to get into a lot of trouble because you can't keep up either behavior for long without it coming back to haunt you.
If you two are really her friends you need to say something. She needs to be told that you find her behavior unacceptable for a Daughter of God. And if you really want to help her you may have to threaten to "rat her out", to the other women, her bishop, or the men she's involved with.
And don't make it an idle threat; follow through.
Finally, you need to consider putting some distance between yourselves and this girl; at some point her exploits and deception will become (if it hasn't already) a burden upon your lives that you just shouldn't carry. If you become too involved without contrary action its like being an accessory. Plus I think you need to consider that she doesn't respect you; whether its your standards, your counsel, your friendship or your integrity, if she doesn't respect you she's not a true friend.
Perhaps she needs to hear that from you.
- Bro Jo
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