Putting Off Marriage

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi. I have been reading your blog for some time and now I have a question. Or situation… and I’ll just go right into it.

I moved home for the summer from the Y. (I am now a Junior. So, it is the second summer I have moved home. )

I got back with my old group of friends and my best friend who lived at home. My singles ward is great and I have nothing to complain about. I am just confuddled.

Since I have been home I have gone on a lot of different dates with a few different boys. Honestly, I enjoy the attention. The last date I went on was with a boy (I’ll name him Ty).

We have kinda known each other or known of each anyway through mutual friends and he is friends with my best friend. We got to know each other a little bit more over the past month and he asked me out. He took me to dinner at an expensive restaurant. (The nicest place anyone has taken me… he earned points for that.)

We then went to an outdoor concert and fireworks. It was an awesome unpressured date. Now, I am not a touchy feely girl. In fact, people have to ask for hugs from me cause I just don’t do that. I don’t hit the guy in the arm, I don’t lightly touch shoulders or anything like that.

Well, later the next week he invited me to go work out with him. Naturally, I like Ty. So, I agreed. He picked me up and we worked out together and he took me to his house after. I was not so happy about this because I was gross from running and wearing gym clothes so not exactly what I want to meet the family in.

I met a few of his siblings and dad and we just hung out for a bit and listened to music. Well, I didn’t hear from him but my best friend did. Friday I went with my friend to an activity. He asked my friend if she was coming and since I usually tag along he knew we’d come together, but of course he did not ask me. We all hung out and left to get food together. I had a good time but I guess he was nervous and not sure how to act around me.

He texted my friend the next day saying that he really liked me thought I was cool and wanted to know if I liked him because I am hard to read and if not we could just be friends cause he did not want to make things awkward between us if he kept ‘trying.’ (Hello Junior High.)

She told him to ask me himself.

Now, he never really talks to me unless we’re the only ones together and in person. We have only gone on two dates and I haven’t heard from him except when I invited him to go on a hike this next week. I guess I just needed to write this out because my mom just says “Boy are bad. Don’t date. Finish school. There isn’t time for nonsense.”

And my best friend doesn’t help.

So, basically, I am sorry for wasting your time. I guess I just don’t know what to do or what to think about Ty. I like him. But, I haven’t seen him to tell him and I am sure I won’t see him for another week and I know he won’t contact me until we go on our hike.

Do I just have to wait?

And I like him too much to be friends…

Help.

This is not a big problem, there are more boys I guess, and someone else can use your advice more than I can.

Boys=Confuddled.



Dear Connie,

(Get it?)

Boys aren't all bad; you should ABSOLUTELY be dating at your age; and it IS possible to finish school while dating; heck, people even finish school while engaged or even married and with children!

No, you don't have to wait, but you shouldn't invite him to anything else (yet) either.

I know it's like Junior High, and I agree it shouldn't be, but it is and you need to play the game a little.

Your friend is your wingman (I still don't know what to call the girl equivalent of "wingman"); she was right to tell him to ask you himself, but he hasn't. Now she needs to call him and put on a little pressure; she needs to tell him that she thinks you like him, but that because he's backed off you've begun to think that he doesn't like you. She also needs to tell him that he:

a) put you in an awkward spot having you meet his family after working out

b) needs to ask you on another actual date, right away, and stop trying to "hang out", that you deserve better than that (hanging out is OK AFTER you two have a confirmed relationship, but he should NEVER stop taking you on dates; I take out Sister Jo almost every week and we've been together over 20 years!)

and

c) he needs to buy you some flowers to make up for being such a dork lest he lose you which could possibly be the biggest mistake of his life.

That's what friends are for; you Sisters need to help each other out more when it comes to training these sad, sorry YSA Brethren on how to treat and woo women.

And you, Little Sister, need to be slightly less frigid. On this next date you need to hold his hand.  And if he does bring you flowers you need to hug him or kiss him on the cheek to say "thank you" because, frankly, you're NOT in Junior High any more and when he tries to show you he likes you, you need to show him that you like him back.

- Bro Jo

PS: Maybe this is the guy, and maybe he's not. Maybe you'll get married (whether to him or to someone else) before you graduate college, and maybe you won't, but I promise you it's harder to find a spouse once you leave school, so don't waste these golden opportunities.

PSS: To all the parents and leaders telling our young people to put off marriage and family until after college or until they've reached a certain level of financial security: shame on you! Shame on you for contradicting the Prophets. Trust in the Lord, trust in and empower our youth, and stop stifling them because of your own insecurities.