Dear Bro Jo,
I am a sixteen-year-old. I have a friend in my ward, who is not sixteen for a couple of months. I was thinking of asking him to a dance at my high school, (which he does not attend). Is it weird for me to ask him out before he asks me out? We would be in a group of friends. I am not sure if he will ask me out before the dance. The dance is 3 months after his birthday. So we are both sixteen by the time I would ask him out.
Sincerely,
A Sister confused about dances.
Dear Sister,
No, don't ask him. Make it a policy to NEVER ask guys out unless it's a special girl-ask-guy event where all the girls are doing the asking (and even then you should limit yourself, whenever possible, to asking a guy that's already taken you out).
Get him to ask you.
- Bro Jo
All right. It is just a special occasion because I might be moving out of state at the end of the year. It is a girl ask guy dance though.
- Sister
Dear Sister,
If it's a girl-ask-guy dance that's okay, but don't expect "I might be moving" to be something I'd accept as an excuse to ask him on a regular date. I've written it a thousand times: the best way to drive a Good Guy away is to over pursue him. It makes him think you have no value, can be emasculating, and also (frankly) can be scary.
Have fun at the dance!
- Bro Jo
3 comments:
It sounds as though this dance is a few months (5-6 months) away based on your initial question. If the original letter writer does decide to ask the boy to the dance, I would suggest waiting until closer to the actual dance. Failure to do so may cause her to seem a little pushy.
So what do you have to say to women who have pursued men and have happy, successful marriages? It does happen all the time.
I say "happens all the time" is a non-quantified, relative statement that people use generically to justify their point of view or behavior, and that somethings, while occasionally successful, are not a good enough idea to be recommended.
(Kind of like "waiting for a missionary" - sure, it works out sometimes, but not enough for me to recommend it as a good idea - in fact, just like this subject, it fails so often that to recommend waiting would be a disservice and dishonesty for both the guy and the girl).
I also say that if it works, great! But caution against a woman demasculinizing her man - she may get what she wants and not like the results. Better that she help him to grow as a man before she marries him.
Many women don't get it, but men prefer to be treated like men, whether we say it or not, whether we show it or not.
You asked.
- Bro Jo
Post a Comment