Dear Bro. Jo,
I'm in a serious relationship with a worthy return missionary and we have plans to get married. We're not engaged YET, but we've had all the suggested pre-engagement discussions and whatnot and it is inevitable.
I was told once that I should not even engage in French kissing with anyone until marriage. I have not followed this rule with my boyfriend, and I do admit that I've perhaps even done a little more than that. I don't regret or feel badly about any of it, because I know that we really love each other. I also know that it won't go anywhere that could potentially prevent us from going to the temple when the time is right. So, I ask you- are the guidelines such as no French kissing, necking, petting, etc. simply there for younger people in less serious relationships? Or are they really things that should be completely avoided until marriage? My boyfriend and I both have strong resolves not to "go all the way" until marriage- because we both care about each other and want to be a forever family.
When I French kiss or "neck" him, I never feel the urge to go any farther- and therefore don't see the wrong in doing so. Should I feel badly for engaging in the activity I already have? Should I stop and wait until we are married?
Sincerely,
Inquisitive
Dear Inquisitive,
No, those guidelines are not just there for the young.
The problem is that you don't know. You hope. You trust. Those are both good, but you don't Know.
For all of your resolve there are even greater forces wanting you NOT to get married in the temple. But worse than that, you're playing with the line and justifying your actions. What's going to happen once he does propose? Are you going to say that everything shy of intercourse is okay?
Let me tell you now, as the father of seven children and one who (I'm hoping) is more sexually experienced than you or your boyfriend, the further you go the more difficult it is to stop. Let's face it, the physical stuff feels GREAT! (That's why you have no regrets, why you don't feel bad.) But just because something feels good, doesn't mean that it's appropriate.
Look at it this way: what if he doesn't propose? I know, I know, you're all positive and stuff. Blah, blah, blah. But, just for the sake of argument, what if it doesn't work out? Do you really want to have to tell the next guy how far you went with the man that's not your husband?
I have no problem with two adults who are in a committed relationship passionately kissing, and I'm not so old and naive that I don't realize more goes on. What I'm telling you is that your attitude is dangerous. Please understand, Satan does not want the two of you to get Sealed for Time and All Eternity in the Temple. The closer that gets, the closer he's going to encourage the two of you to get. I often tell couples that once they get engaged they should spend most of their time chaperoned lest the romance of the engagement lead to sexual temptation.
The "little more than that" you're doing is not okay; knock it off.
You don't have to feel bad, but you should definitely stop. You may not want things to go farther, but guys are more physically charged than girls; if you love the man do him a favor and stop revving his engine.
- Bro Jo
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