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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What Kind of "Relationships" are OK at 15?

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a girl who just turned 15 years old last week, so I am not quite of dating age.
All the guys around me (other than at Stake activities) are not LDS, because I live in a Midwestern state where there are not many members, and the entire youth in my branch is made up of me and 4 other girls.

So... since I'm not allowed to go out on Casual Group Dates yet, what type of relationships am I supposed to have with guys?

I have quite a few guy friends (some of whom are closer to me than my female friends), and I recognize that many of them have feelings for me that are more than friendship (and I have crinkles on quite a few of them as well). Is there anything wrong with going places with guys outside of school?

I mean, I'm not allowed to go on dates, and you say that "hanging out" with guys is a bad idea. I'm just confused on what type of contact IS allowed!

My other question is: how am I supposed to act around guys who have girlfriends?

I don't know if I'm allowed to flirt with them, or talk to them, or if I can invite them to activities with me and other friends if their girlfriend doesn't come with us, because I don't want to make the girlfriend jealous, but lots of times the girlfriend doesn't care... The whole idea confuses me.

Any help you would have to give me on either subject would be wonderful!

(Name Withheld)

Dear NW,

Let me clarify a few things for you.

1. "Relationships" should wait until after you're out of high school; before then they bring with them too much drama and temptation.

2. I say that "hanging out" is bad once you're a Young Single Adult; as a teenager I highly recommend movie parties, game nights, and other group activities; the only caveat is that the numbers should be uneven and there should be no pairing.

3. There's nothing wrong with going places with guys outside of school so long as you're not the only girl and it's clearly a group activity, not a date.

4. You can flirt with whomever you want, but realize that you girls are very territorial, and the quickest way to become hated by all the other girls at school is to hit on everyone else's boyfriend. Regardless of your perception or what she may say, the girlfriend ALWAYS cares.

Don't rush into the next phase of life; enjoy being 15, it will quickly be gone.

- Bro Jo

PS: If you check the website you'll see that I have a special tag called "Letters from 15-year Old Girls" - check it out!

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you very much for the quick response! Your answers help me a lot.

I really appreciate that you do this, and I read your column regularly.

I have you have a great start to the new year!


Dear NW,


- Bro Jo

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