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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

When It's Time to Breakup with Her

Dear Bro Jo,

Hello there Bro Jo. I’m a fellow teenager writing after having read your blog for a while (it’s a very great one I have to say) and noticing I need some help of my own after some recent events.

You see:  there’s this girl (nonmember) that likes me (and I have to admit I like her a bit too) that has asked me out. I said yes and almost instantly I felt a weird feeling that felt like it was saying “no” (and I’m pretty sure I know what that was). Now she is already saying stuff like “I love you” in a text, or “miss you”

I have met up with girl a few times before this and on those occasions we have kissed (simple kiss) and held hands. Etc. but on those occasions I always felt ‘empty’ inside when I did kiss and afterwards I felt down.

I’m pretty sure I know this girl is not the right one for me. Because in my patriarchal blessing it says something about a beautiful young woman and me marrying her in the temple (yay!!) but right now I just need some help in breaking up without being too mean to her as I am not a very good talker with girls.

I just want help with this girl so I can prevent sins that I know will tempt me if I continue down this path because I know this church is true and I have a strong testimony of the gospel. And I don’t want to lose the chance to marry a “beautiful young woman” when I am older

Yours truly,


Dear Marcoda,

I hope you've learned some of why being in a committed relationship as a teenager is a bad idea . . .

Now, as far as the break up goes, I agree that you don't want to burn any bridges; there may come a time in the future that you want to ask her out, and by that I mean on a Casual Group Date, not as she used "going out".  Be gentle, be kind, but realize that there may be nothing you can do to keep her from feeling hurt or upset. (That's another reason to avoid the boyfriend-girlfriend thing at your age.)

So you're going to have to talk to her.

(Yeah, you could break up by phone or text or email, but none of that is very manly, so don't do it.)

Just be honest.

And don't say too much.

"I really like you. I'm not at a place in my life right now where I think it's good for me to be in a committed relationship. I hope that's okay."

That's it. Don't qualify anything. Don't blame anything or anyone. If she needs to talk, stand there and take it. Don't argue. Don't justify. Try not to say anything at all.

(Tangent: one of the Jo Boys says that you should tilt your head to the side, like a puppy who's looking for some understanding and a pat on the head, perhaps smiling a sad smile just a little bit . . . he has his reason I'm sure.)

And when it's over, let it go. Don't say anything bad about her to anyone. When people ask you what happened (and believe me, they will) just tell them what you told her: "I really like her, but I don't think it's good for me to be in a committed relationship at this point in my life".

Nothing more.

Do it soon.

Very soon.

Good luck,

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Frank Pellett said...

Quick caveat - even if you think you've found that beautiful young woman you will eventually take to the temple, do not get into anything close to a relationship (just casual group dates, as Bro Jo said) until after your mission. It would totally kill the young woman you told you didn't want to be in a committed relationship.