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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

A Guy's Dating Questions - Part 2: Staying Positive

Dear Bro. Jo,

Thanks for the quick response!

Just a couple points of clarification.

Firstly, my Bishop also happens to be my dad.

I have talked to him and my mom about my concerns, and I'm not sure but I think he had a conversation with the Young Women's president (who was the one I had the argument with) because recently she's at least become less outspoken on her opinions.

She's still not exactly gung-ho for the idea of group dating, but she's no longer openly opposing it either.

My Young Men's president is much more enthusiastic, so much so that he is constantly suggesting I go on more dates (he, too, is a non-native).

His problem is that he doesn't know what to do about the lack of dating options, which I think is my main obstacle.

And while I really would love to expand my field of potential dates to outside the Church - most of my friends are non-members anyway - my parents have already established a set of dating rules very similar to yours...which is unfortunately dissimilar to yours in that it outlaws dating any non-LDS girls.

Period.

I think they're afraid of me falling in love with a non-member, marrying without a temple sealing and falling away from the Church.

Which is kind of silly because I'm going off to BYU Provo next year, where it will be practically impossible to marry out of the covenant even if I fervently want to.

I'm sure there's other youth in the stake who feel the same way that I do, but another problem I'm faced with here is that stake activities are extremely rare...I'm not really even sure how to meet anyone who might be in my situation.

We hold stake dances MAYBE twice a year, and the only really reliable annual activity is Youth Conference during the summer.

It's coming up next month, so I guess I can try to rally a sympathetic group of youth then, but I think I'm probably going to be met with as much resistance to the idea as I am within my ward. I'll see what I can do, though.

- HI




Dear HI,

I'm glad to hear your leaders are more on-board than I originally thought.

Sounds like you've got some things you can do. 

Try hosting a movie party or game night and including non-member guys and girls who have high standards; guys who would make good dating buddies and girls you think it would be fun to date.

Perhaps as your parents get to meet these other kids they'll feel more comfortable with you including them in your Casual Group Dating plans.

And if your Stake needs more youth activities, do something about it.

Think Positive.

Look for ways to make things happen; don't focus on why they're not happening.

- Bro Jo

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