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Friday, March 7, 2014

She Who Hesitates is Lonely

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a Young Single Adult.  Recently I have been going on dates and spending time with this guy.

This has been going on for a little over a month and we see each other 2-3 times a week.

Despite how much we do together there hasn't been any kind of discussion as to what on earth is going on.

I am just really confused because I am not sure if he sees us as just friends or something more.

We have never held hands or anything.

We have never even hugged each other but the way he talks makes it sound like there is something going on.
Which is why I just don't know what is going on.

So I guess that leads me to a couple of questions.

1. Is it wrong for me to ask what is going on? Or is that too pushy?

2. When it comes to things like hand holding whose job is that to initiate it?

3. Should I even bother bringing things up as there is only 1 week left before the semester ends and then he will go home for a month and a half? Is it better to just get it out of the way now?


- Confused and in the Friend Zone

Dear Zoner,

1. I think it’s okay to ask. Sure it’s a bit early to have the full on Determine The Relationship talk, but that doesn't mean you can have a "how do you think of me " chat. Very casual. "Hey, so we've been on a couple dates and you've yet to hold my hand or anything, so what gives? " If you're relaxed about it you won't be pushy.

2. This traditional Old Guy thinks boys should usually make the move, but I see nothing wrong with girls flirting, hinting, and sometimes coming right out and saying it: "its okay to hold my hand, you know ".

3. He who hesitates is lost; she who hesitates is lonely.

- Bro Jo


Megan said...

I can testify of this. I have been friend zoned my entire life. Even by the guy I'm dating. The reason I'm even with him right now is because we weren't afraid to be perfectly honest about how we feel. Don't make it a big deal, but definitely ask him. =) Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

The best 'get a guy to hold my hand' line ever came to me in the middle of a VERY long movie, where hand-holding was likely, but moving VERY slowly. I looked at him and said, "You don't have to hold my hand if you don't want to." And BOOM! - he grabbed it. It gave him an out, but let him know that I was willing.

Also, I had a sit-down talk with my now husband after the 3rd date (where he had kissed me). We saw each other every day that weekend and he kept kissing me, but nothing was discussed as far as 'titles'. So we met for lunch the following Monday, and I said, "Look, I need to know where we stand. Because if you still want to be dating other people, You'd better stop kissing me."

Normally I'm not quite so up-front, but not knowing what was going on in his mind was worse to me than not having the conversation.