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Friday, March 21, 2014

A Guy's Dating Questions - Part 3: Being a Good Conversationalist

Dear Bro. Jo,

Thanks again for the reply.

And on a somewhat related note...I've never been a great conversationalist simply because I can't find a good balance between listening and talking.

I consider myself a good listener, but it really doesn't matter how well you can listen if you don't know what to say to fill the silences.

And I never do seem to know what to say...

That's a totally different conversation though. Thanks for the thoughtful response to all my questions.

Aloha,

- HI




Dear HI,

Any time, bro.

Being a good conversationalist is a skill, and it takes practice.

Fortunately for all of us, it's not required that we're perfect, only that we improve.

Start by being a Good Listener.

Ask thoughtful questions, Listen to what the person says, and then Respond with a relevant question or comment.

Do your best to not try to hard to "relate" to what the person is saying.  Often that comes across as us trying to make everything about ourselves, and people hate that.

In a show I saw recently I thought a really good point was made about guys wanting to fix or answer everything.  The character said that men need to learn how to say those three little words when a woman complains . . .

"Wow, that sucks".

And then just be quite and keep listening.

Women don't want to be fixed; they just want to be heard.

- Bro Jo

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

As a woman that really roots for equality, I find it extremely offensive that you mentioned "In a show I saw recently I thought a really good point was made about guys wanting to fix or answer everything. The character said that men need to learn how to say those three little words when a woman complains . . ."
NO. Care enough to treat her as an equal and reply to her complaint. Don't have the attitude of "Oh, she's having one of those feminine complaints" but rather "How do I relate to this individual's thought?". If you don't agree with her and wish to avoid being unpleasant on a date, put yourself in her shoes like you would a new guy friend and THEN say something along the lines of "that sucks". Don't constantly dismiss or invalidate things that come out a girl's mouth. Listen to her as another human being and not a scary female and then your conversation will flow.

Bro Jo said...

Wow. That sucks.

- Bro Jo