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Monday, March 24, 2014

Is There a Nice Way to Tell Someone You're Not Interested?

Dear Bro Jo,

So my friend is having this problem (and it really is my friend not just "my friend" implying that it’s me).

She's too nervous to ask anything though so I'm going to ask for her.

In our FHE group, there's this guy, let’s call him "Sam".

So Sam and his roommates came over last night for FHE.

Today, Sam sent a friend request to my friend (let’s call her Julie).

He also sent a text earlier today saying how he had fun last night, and then he also called Julie later that night, but didn't leave a voice mail.

She didn't reply to the text, or answer the phone, and ignored the friend request.

Julie doesn't want to start any relationship with ANY of our FHE boys, and certainly not him.

How can she get the point across that she doesn't like him like nicely, so that when we have FHE next week, it won’t be awkward at all.

Should she just ignore the texts and call or should she answer but in a non-interested way?

- A Friend

Dear Friend,

The nicest thing she could do is to say to him "Thank you for your interest, but I'm not interested."

It will hurt, but the clarity will help him move on quickly, and that's much less painful than dragging it on.

Beyond that she should continue to ignore the texts and calls.

However, she may want to consider dating him a couple times before burning that bridge.

Simply being in one's FHE group is not enough of a reason to write a guy off.

In fact, I hope all of you singles realize that one of the purposes of FHE groups is to introduce you to possible dates!

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

She may try telling him she has a strict 'no dating family members' policy. That worked for me once.

I used to think that dating my FHE brother would make it SUPER awkward if things didn't work out... but then I changed my mindset on dating from my immature freshman 'this guy is obviously obsessed with me and probably wants to marry me and I am NOT interested in him that way' to a more productive, mature, and truthful 'it may be fun getting to know each other better!' One of my last semesters I went on a date with my FHE brother and it was totally fine! Not a big deal at all! He was more interested in me than I was in him, but we kept things casual and it was totally fun!!!

Also, keeping things casual is completely up to the girl's attitude. You control more than you think!

Kristin said...

I don't know what "Julie's" motivation is, but this is something that kind of bugs me. I think it's a little ridiculous when people put "rules" on who they can and can't date. I've heard "Don't date within your FHE group", "Don't date people in your class", "Don't date someone on your dance team", "Don't date someone from your ward". Who in the world are you supposed to date then?! You've effectively eliminated pretty much everyone there is to date! Did you ever think that just maybe the Lord put that person in your ward/class/dance team, etc so you could meet them? If you put all these rules and barriers up about who not to date, you may miss out on (at the very least) getting to know a good friend or miss the opportunity to meet your spouse.