The Pre-Mission Breakup

Dear Bro Jo,

I stumbled upon your blog today and am so glad I did!

I am preparing to leave on my mission in just three weeks. I am absolutely thrilled!

I am one of those nineteen year old girls whose life was changed at General Conference.

I have always wanted and planned on going on a mission so the age change just brought the possibility of serving a mission much soon than I had planned.

Anyway, I have been reading the different "Waiting for a Missionary" posts and comments and I must say, some of the defensive comments made by missionary girlfriends made me laugh. :)

I have been dating a boy for a year... well, I was dating him but he left on his mission in January so we broke up.

But, while I was dating him I was so defensive when people would make comments that it is not okay to date boys seriously before their missions.

I felt that each situation was unique and that is wasn't anyone's place to tell me whether it was okay for us to be dating or not.

Well, fast forward a few months to him serving in the mission field and me being at home struggling so much because I wanted to be able to give Heavenly Father my heart and give 100% to preparing and serving a mission of my own but I couldn't because I missed the boy sooo much.

I feel that I did learn so much from dating him but it would have been better all-around to not have been so serious before the mission.

I'll be honest, it has taken me a while to admit that to myself but it is true.

Preparing for a mission of my own, I can definitely see why it is so distracting.

I finally was able to come to this realization and he and I both decided to let go of any type of relationship except for being friends for now but it would have alleviated a bunch of heartache for both of us if we had chosen differently sooner.

I understand why some of the girls are feeling the way they do, but, having been in a similar position myself, I know that it is better to not seriously date before the mission.

Even if I do end up marrying this boy, I would never want there to be regrets if he or I weren't able to give our missions 100%.

Even if I wasn't leaving on a mission, I still feel like if you love him then realize his mission only comes once and let him go.

It will be easier for him to focus on his mission and he will be able to develop a greater relationship with Heavenly Father and grow and change in ways that are incredible. Not only are those two years incredibly important for the boy, they are also important for the girl.

Date!

Make friends!

Improve, grow, become all you can be in that time.

Then, if you do choose to marry him when he returns, you won't have to wonder if you just chose him because you never tried dating anyone else.

That's my thoughts!

I just wanted to thank you for your words.

Just a few months ago I would have been tempted at some points to disagree only because I didn't want to admit that I was wrong, but I've learned a powerful lesson since then. :)

Thanks!

- Lesson Learned




Dear LL,

Thank you for your email and perspective.  Not because you agree with me (which, sure, is nice) but because you've add a personal touch to the issue and expressed some important points much better than I think I have.

A mission, like a marriage, gives you back what you put into it.

Work hard.

Love the people.

And serve with all of your heart, might, mind and strength.

I'm sure you'll be a great missionary!

I've been very impressed with the new Sister Missionaries I've met.

Godspeed,

- Bro Jo