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Monday, April 7, 2014

When Parents Don't Approve of the Engagement

Dear Bro Jo,

I know you get a ton of emails, and I think it's awesome that you take time to reply to them.

I asked for some advice from you a few years ago, and I know you probably rolled your eyes when you read about my stupid little drama problems, but you still gave me advice. I thank you for that.

Anyways, I'm in another dilemma right now.

I'm almost 20, and I recently got engaged to the best guy ever who is also my best-est friend in the entire world.

I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend eternity with.

My dad loves the guy to bits, especially since my fiancé and I have been best friends since we were kids.

The problem: my mom likes my fiancé, but doesn't believe that we're engaged.

She thinks I’m "too young to fall in love."

She got engaged when she was 18 and my older sister got engaged when she was barely 19, and she didn't have a problem with my sister getting married, so I don't know what my mom's problem is.

Every time I try to talk to her about how much I love him she tells me that I don't really love him. ''

I've asked my dad what my mom's deal is, and he says that she's not ready to let her youngest kid grow up yet. I can see that, but how do I convince my mom to at least ACT like she's happy for me?

Some help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

- Premarital woes




Dear Woes,

Are you trying to convince your mom ... or convince yourself?

Because a grown woman who's old enough and mature enough to get married doesn't need to convince anyone else that she's making a good choice.

Unless she's not really sure herself.

It would be great if you had her blessing ... but you don't. 

You won't be able to argue her into conversion.

So let it go.

Your certainly "old enough" to fall in-love, let alone get married.

Give her time to come to the truth on her own.

Your best shot at convincing her that this is a good thing is to focus on your upcoming sealing and the joy involved with that.

Make no mistake: marriage is a lot of work.

But, as Sister Jo keeps reminding me, it's worth it!

Focus on your happiness and the happiness of your husband.

Your mother is not the first parent who's objected to a wedding. There is, of course, a chance she knows something that you don't, or is a little more in-tune with the realities of your situation and feels the need to warn you of things that "love" has blinded you to, but you need to know for yourself.  If you've had that confirming witness, I say move forward.

Give your mom time and space and she'll come around.

It may take a while ... or a grandchild or two (for all of the YSA's that think we pressure you to get married, just wait until you are married and the Have Children pressure comes!) ... or enough time to pass that she sees that this man will take good care of you ... but it will happen.

- Bro Jo

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