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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Why Do Some Girls Seem Eager to Be Kissed?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm a Returned Missionary and I took your advice from a couple months ago about getting back into the dating scene again.

Guess what!

It worked! 

I have been on quite a few dates since I've been back and I have found one that I really like.

Before I start telling my story, I just want you to know that I have a rule of thumb that I won't kiss a girl unless it is till the third date.

This saves me the pain of sending the wrong message and that I'd rather get to know people.

Now I found the girl that I really like and yes I have kissed her (after a couple of dates).

Before her though I would ask girls on a date and we would do activities that would make us socialize.

By the end of our first date however, they are sending me signals that they want to be kissed and I try to get out of the situation. (This doesn't happen with every girl, just a few).

Fast forward to New Year's Eve and I'm at a dance with some friends.

We are having a great time dancing as a group and midnight comes.

Shortly after the countdown a random girl comes up and kisses me and then runs away.

What is going through these girls heads?

I don't want to be kissing left and right.


- Puzzled RM

Dear Puzzled,

I don't pretend to know what women think.

Not often, anyway.

But Sister Jo knows!

So I ask her opinion all the time.

Here's what I've learned:

1. Girls like kissing as much as we do. Most of the time. Though not always for the same reasons. However, just like us, girls see kissing as an affirmation of attractiveness.

2. More than we guys do, girls see a kiss as an indication of commitment. Well, most girls, anyway.

We do live in a time where the importance and special-ness of kissing (outside LDS - and other "wait-til-marriage" promoting cultures - people often think of sexual intercourse the same way) as something more than just the physical act seems to be dwindling, but Sister Jo assures me that when a guy kisses a girl she's more often than not going to take it as some kind of sign that he Wants, Hopes, and Expects the Relationship to be more than Casual because, well, that's what she intends when she kisses him.

That, so I'm told, is why girls want to be kissed.

And why, bro, you're right in your thinking to save it for a third date.

(BTW, I learned that waiting to kiss a girl makes her much more likely to want to be kissed, and that IS a big difference. As the movie says, too many guys rush in and take the kiss - not the best choice. Now, that said, I must confess that even after having proven success with the "wait-til-the-third-date" philosophy, I did kiss the future Sister Jo on the First Date. Well . . . she considers it the first . . . I count it as the second or third.)

However, I also believe that Latter-day Saints are a little too uptight about kissing.


Did you read the post last month about the two guys arguing; one saying that ALL kisses should be saved for marriage?]

- Bro Jo

PS:  For more of Bro Jo's thoughts on this topic, check out "Bro Jo's Guide to Kissing" which can be found in Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating and on the Facebook page.

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