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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Is Her Mother's Expectation Unreasonable?

Dear Bro Jo,

When I was 12 or 13 I made a deal with my mom that I wouldn't kiss any boys until my wedding day.

I'm 16, now and she still holds me to that even though I don't really agree with it anymore.

I've never been kissed or kissed anyone, but that doesn't mean I want to wait until my wedding day for my first peck!

Of course, making out is different that'll wait until marriage for good reasons, but a peck???

How do I explain to my mom that I don't agree with her and that a peck on the lips isn't a horrible thing before marriage?

(She kissed boys and got kissed by them in her teens, but it wouldn't do to point that out because she got pregnant with me in her teens and she would definitely point that out.)

I love and respect my mom, I just don't know how to talk to her about this without her freaking out.


- Confused Daughter

Dear CD,

When my oldest daughter was a toddler I taught her this script:

Bro Jo "What's a first date called?”
Her "A honeymoon.”
Bro Jo "And where do husbands come from?”
Her "Papas pick them out!” 

It was cute and we got a lot of laughs.

But while that gag was an expression of my young dad worries, I certainly had no intention of holding fast to those things as a family policy.

I invite you to read "Bro Jo's Guide to Kissing ", and then share it and discuss it with your mom.

Perhaps you can tell her that you have no intention of saving your first kiss for your wedding day (which, frankly, I think is foolish, as both an expectation and a plan).

Assure her that you plan to marry a Good Man for Time and All Eternity in the Temple.

And tell her that you hope that the two of you will have the kind of relationship where rather than lie to her about your kisses, pretending they never happen, that you'll be able to talk to her about them.

Ask her which relationship she prefers.

And then you'll know where you both stand.

- Bro Jo

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