Dear Bro Jo,
So, I've read a bunch of your inputs on dancing.
I love Church dances. I go to all the regular ones that the church puts on, and then I have a friend who puts on monthly Church dances.
Its really great, lots of slow dances, line dances, themed dances etc.
My first three dances I went without getting asked to dance by a guy.. ever.
Then I went to EFY and got asked twice only. And it made me super super sad.
So I decided to just go and have fun and ask people at dances from then on or I wouldn't be able to have fun.
Are you saying that its better to go there and just NOT be asked?
Because to me..it seems like its more worth it to get rid of my pride and just ask boys.
Because any dance that I don't just ask people is really terrible and sad.
What do you think?
Thanks!
- Wanna Dance
Dear Dancer,
Dances prepare us for dating.
If you don't teach the boys at these dances that they need to ask you to dance, then they won't learn that they need to ask you out on dates.
And you won't learn why getting boys to ask you out, or ask you to dance, is a good thing.
And it is a good thing.
Why?
Because, right or wrong, guys see girls that expect to be pursued as more valuable.
Now I know that you're valuable. And you should know that, too.
I understand that it can be very hard to know that when boys aren't giving you the attention you deserve, when they're not asking you like they should.
What can I say?
Boys are dumb.
And you DO have value!
And you DESERVE to be asked!
So let's start by making a subtle change.
Rather than asking the boys to dance, go up to them and say "which one of you boys is (smart, sweet, cute...) enough to ask me to dance? "
Smile.
Touch an arm.
During the dance laugh and smile; ask him about him and listen with interest while he's speaking.
And when the song is over, say thank you and "I hope next time you'll ask me on your own ".
And then Never Ask That Boy Again.
If his friends don't clue in, sit out a couple songs, and then try it on another group of guys.
In fact, take a girlfriend or two with you and approach these guys as a group.
I think you'll see a wonderful difference.
- Bro Jo
2 comments:
Hm. As a teen I would never have been able to do this. I rarely danced/dance at dances, it still happens. I don't know if I could make myself say all this now either. But the last time I went to EFY as a youth I did ask a guy to dance when I just couldn't stand not dancing anymore and he said "no!" and walked away. I took it as a sign that I was done with youth stuff haha!
What about nowadays, as a young single, when I couldn't care less about teaching men in general about how they should ask me out etc., and I'm just looking for one man in the world? I feel as though a man who really would want to dance with me/date me would ask me without me having to "teach" anything. And until I find someone who will do that, I don't need to dance/date if it means I have to initiate everything.
It takes two to tango, and if you're not willing to dance you may find yourself sitting alone for a very long time.
- Bro Jo
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