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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

She's 16; Why Isn't He Asking Her Out?

Dear Bro Jo,

I just wanted to say THANK YOU for all the great advice you give!!

It has definitely helped me and I know I'm not the only one.

I'm not sure if you have addressed a situation like this before or not, but I haven't come across it n your blog so I thought I'd ask. I think some outside insight would be really great to have.

Here's a run-down of the situation:

There is this boy. Crazy, I know.

I have liked him for about a year or so.

It started out as just friends but then I started liking him pretty soon after.

And I think he mayyy have started to like me as well around the same time.

I think that for a few reasons:

A) we text/message a lot, before 9 of course

B) he compliments me, at least more-so than he does other girls

C) there has definitely been some flirting going on...

D) we make eye contact across the room at random times unintentionally

E) he knows a little bit about a health trial I have been going through lately (we've talked about it a little bit because he asks) and he has told me that he is praying for me and he can't "wait to celebrate" when I'm finally better

F) he asks me to dance more than once at the church dances (which he doesn't usually do with other girls)

G) etc.

He turned 16 a few months ago and I know he has been asking lots of other girls, some of which are my close friends, on dates.

Just like he should.

And I'm glad that he is. BUT... I have been 16 for about a month and... nothing.

We still talk and text and it's the same as before I turned 16, but he still hasn't asked me out.

And I know he has asked a lot of the other girls in our ward right after they turn 16.

I don't want a steady relationship or anything like that, but an occasional group date would be nice... 

Have I been reading him wrong?

Does he not like me?

Why do you think he wouldn't ask me when he seems to have no problem asking those other girls out?

Like I said, I don't want a steady relationship. I want him to date other girls. I want to date other guys.

But I also want to date him every once in a while.

What's going on?

Your thoughts?


- Random, Confused 16 Year Old Girl

Dear 16,

It's only been a month.


Give the boy some time.

I'm sure he thinks you're great!

When you do get asked, by this boy and others, be sure to stick to the Dating Rules, and don't pressure anyone to be in a relationship.

And, should you not get asked on as many dates as you hope to (by this guy or anyone else), please know that it doesn’t mean that you’re not beautiful, talented, smart, fun and valuable.

Many of the most amazing girls date very little. Sister Jo went on very few dates until I started asking her out. This is why I think I’m smarter than all those guys she grew up with!


- Bro Jo

PS:  I believe that guys are not asking girls out as much as they should because they're not being properly trained and encouraged to do so.  I'm glad this Young Man is being trained well!  Please, when your sons are that age, teach them what you wish the boys around you had been taught.

PSS:  It would help if you girls would stop looking for Relationships in High School and instead be open to Casual Group Dating!  Not that you are, but he might think you are.  Evaluate your actions and see if you need to tone things down at all.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

"And, should you not get asked on as many dates as you hope to (by this guy or anyone else), please know that it doesn’t mean that you’re not beautiful, talented, smart, fun and valuable"


I just want to reaffirm what Bro Jo has said. I have several years on you (I'll be 24 at the end of the year), and I wasn't asked out on a date until I was almost 21 and into my fourth semester at BYU-I. Even then, I've only ever been asked out on five or six dates, and I haven't made it to a second date with any of them.

I've struggled a lot at times wondering "what's wrong with me". Here I was going to "BYU-I Do", and nothing was happening the way I wanted or expected. I went dancing 2-5 times every week. I was going to church and involved in activities and doing everything to be out and social to meet new people. I met some really great people, and yet I wasn't going on a lot of dates. It seemed like all of my roommates and friends were. It was easy to convince myself at times that I wasn't pretty enough, not smart enough, not something enough. It's taken a lot of work, prayer, and a very timely blessing to get myself back from those dark places.

Don't fall into that trap. Even if this young man never asks you out, it doesn't define YOUR worth. You are beautiful and wonderful, and even if things don't work out like you want or expect, God is still your Father, and He will ALWAYS love you. I've learned that we sometimes just have to take that step into an unknown future and trust that if we are doing all we can, God will lead us where He wants us to be.

And if you ever doubt your worth, get on your knees and pray. God doesn't want you to walk around wondering if you are worth it or loved. You are, and He does, and sometimes all you have to do is ask. He'll reaffirm it every time.