What Can You Do If You're Shy Around the Opposite Sex?

Dear Bro Jo,

I believe I've read every post on your blog. I love it, and thank you for helping us.

Now, I think it's time for me to ask you something. You've probably posted something about it already, and I'm sorry, but I think I need more.

I'm 19, and I'm completely clueless about guys. It's sad because many girls at my age are already getting married, and I'm still stuck in the phase which I panic every time I realize a boy is interested in me.

I don't know how to act around them. I try to be myself, but it does not always work out very well. Sometimes I think I know what they like, and what I need to do to get attention from the boy I like, but I really don't.

There are these girls that go into a room and instantly get all the boys attention. Why?

What do I need to do to change my position in these situations?

I'm quiet, and shy, and... yeah. Any advice for a girl who wants to change that?

- Too Shy




Dear Shy,

I often think the difference between super shy and very confident really just comes down to experience.

Not that nervousness ever goes totally away.  And that's okay!

I've spoken in front of lots of classes and groups, but even when I'm very comfortable with the material I'm covering I can get nervous.

The experience I have makes the nervousness easier to handle, and the more experience I have and the Better Prepared I am the easier all of that is.

Since all of this is new for you, I think it can help to start small. 

Start by working on your get-to-know-you skills. Practice meeting new guys and learning some things about them.

These don't have to be your dream dates!

Just nice people.

Show genuine interest. Ask them some things about them. Listen to what they say and ask good follow up questions.

When you do see a boy you like, even if it's one you already know, smile. Maybe even wave.

Then, when you're more comfortable with all of that, add some basic flirting, like briefly and gently touching his arm when you talk.

Practice will make you more comfortable.

Lastly, be sensitive to others who might be shy as well. Help them to feel more comfortable around you the same way you would want to be more comfortable.


Relax and Have fun!

- Bro Jo

PS:  The same techniques work for guys who are shy, too!