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Friday, January 15, 2016

Is Going to the Gym a Date?

Dear Bro Jo,

Quick question:

Remember Rugby Boy #2?

He's off serving a mission.

We write, we're friends, no romantic interest there.

He has a girlfriend who we're both hoping he ends up marrying someday.

Anyway . . .

He has a big brother who just got home from his mission and is at the Y.

Big Bro & I go to the gym together as workout buddies.

We're just friends.

Not a date, right?

- Cheese

P.S. Big Brother did take me on a real "Plan, Pickup, Pay" date about a week ago.

But I don't think just going to the gym is the same kind of thing.

We're not "interested" in each other.

Dear Cheese,

(BIG sigh)

Going to the gym is a date . . . and it's not a date.

You set a time, and it's just the two of you, so that part makes it a date.

A cheap date . . . a bit of a "coward date" because he won't come right out and say it . . . but a date none-the-less.

But it's also kind of a "hang out" in that he's not picking you up and you both just kind of happen to be in the same area.

(Lame! Or: Smart! Depending on your point of view . . .)

Consider this: would it be wrong (or at the very least appear wrong) for the two of you to be spending this time together if he was married?

Of course it would!


When you understand that, you'll understand two other things . . .

One of which is, whether you're interested in him or not, he wouldn't be going to the gym with you if he wasn't interested in you.

And you know why that is . . .

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

So are you saying we can't be just friends?


I'm on my way to the gym now

- Cheese

Dear Cheese,

Say hi to your "date" for me!

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

A date.


That's too bad.

I thought he was "attracted" to me, but not "interested"-

- I thought the Bro Code would inhibit any possible relationship, what with me having dated Little Brother previously.

Is it wrong for me to go out with him when I'm really not interested?

I like his friendship and company, but definitely not anything more.

I don't want to give him any false hopes.

- Cheese

Dear Cheese,

The "Bro Code" only means something if people follow it.

Plus, it's kind of like The Pirate Code . . . "it's really more of a guideline".

As Sister Jo says, all is fair in love and war.

If you don't want to lead him on, you're going to have to stop going out with him.

And I don't know if I've ever mentioned this to you, but you're at the point in dating now where you need to realize that a Good Guy often won't ask a girl out if he thinks she's serious about someone else (that's of course, if he's following "The Code") . . . so "hanging out" with this guy you have no intention of dating may make other guys that are interested in you think you're taken.

More than one Great Girl has found herself surprisingly single because she didn't understand why you're not supposed to "hang out". 


- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

Quite an interesting question!

I would also say that going to the gym together can be a date and not a date. I would say that it is a date if you have those moments when you compliment each other in a more flirty way or he is making hints.

Don't forget that there are some people who are flirty by nature. I've read that some men just like the attention of women and would flirt with them, so that they have their attention.

They would usually do that to boost their self-confidence or to tell this to their friends. I think that Big Bro isn't really this type of men, especially since you know each other and have mutual friends.

On the other hand, if Big Bro is not flirting with you and you are both enjoying each other's company and have fun, then it is more of a friendship.

I think you should enjoy it and don't overthink it. Of course, once you get to know each other better you might actually like each other in a different way.

Bro Jo said...

The absence of flirting does not mean a guy doesn't like you . . .

Nor does flirting mean that he wants to marry you.

But if he' spending a lot of time with you I promise, regardless of his relationship status, he is thinking about a relationship (which could mean many, many different things) with you.

- Bro Jo