Dear Bro Jo,
Hi I'm responding to the email you sent earlier ( I still haven't figured out how to post comments on the blog yet, but working on it) about the whole thing about not asking guys out.
My issue is that there is a guy that told me he wants to be just friends ( not saying that something could happen later and if it does or doesn't I'll deal with that then ) and I respect his decision.
We've only known each other since July but is it wrong to invite him to stuff?
At this point its not really asking him out is it?
- 29
Dear 29,
Sounds like you're asking him out to me...
And like you're wasting your time on a guy who a) clearly isn't interested, b) had no chance of ever becoming interested because you keep pursuing him, and c) whose very presence at events is keeping you from meeting and dating other men.
Everything I post on Dear Bro Jo I keep anonymous, and things typically don't get posted, if they ever do, until I've had them for a long time.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
I tried to send this earlier, but my computer crashed right at the time it was sending so I don't know if it got through. Anyway I'm still stuck on the same problem I was before about not asking guys out.
So you're saying that you basically have to be a flirt or wait until someone is interested to have a date? (None of which I do very well)
This guy that I mentioned earlier is a great guy and if something happens great and if not that's alright, too.
I feel he is going to be around for a while because he is my sister in law's brother (she introduced us) and is very shy and needs friends.
He is an amazing guy and even If we end up as the type friends that only send each other Christmas and birthday cards once a year that would be great too. I feel like I need him in my life, but I know whoever he ends up with in the end will be amazing because that's the type of person he is.
Should I give up on him altogether ?
Does it have to be all or nothing? (I have sometimes have invited him to things with my friends, but not very often. I guess that is in a way asking him out?)
I feel like I am also at a point myself that I don't really know what I want this to turn out as.
He is a great guy like I said and it would be wonderful if something happened, but also he deserves the best.
Any ideas on how to treat this situation?
I honestly don't know what to make of it
- 29
Dear Bro Jo,
Sorry to send another email (I tend to do that lately. I've just been forgetting to add things)
Anyway I try not to let being with this guy limit me from being with others. I just can't seem to date others because honestly it doesn't happen.
Not trying to sound negative . . . I go tho places like the singles ward and institute and stuff and try to be nice and friendly with people, but for some reason nothing clicks by that I mean I don't find anyone interesting those places either, but most of them are and seem a lot younger then me
(I'm kind of on the older end and I feel like most people my age have moved on either by aging out or getting married)
- 29
Dear 29,
(sigh!)
Little Sister . . . stop being so wishy-washy and stop making excuses!
Get over your fear of flirting. Stop "hanging out" and Stop hiding behind things that, frankly, just don't matter.
You like this guy. Let's not pretend otherwise.
So go up to him and tell him you think he needs to ask you out on a date. A REAL date.
And then stop talking. Just stand there, batting your eyes and smiling at him.
If he doesn't clue in and ask you out right then and there, if he expects you to be "the man" and do all the planning . . . then clearly you need to Move On.
And go flirt with someone else.
Seriously.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Alright thank you. I'll let you know how it goes!
- 29
Dear 29,
Please do!
Best,
- Bro Jo
[ Dear Readers,
I thought you might like to read the original columns that lead "29" to write. Here they are:
In Your Dreams - Part 1
In Your Dreams - Part 2
Best,
- Bro Jo]
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