Fence Sitter - Letter 1 - What's the Problem?

[Readers: A series of letters this week between "Fence Sitter" and I about a guy she was dating, and now isn't, will run this week.]

Letter 1

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm a college-aged gal who is currently single. However, several months ago, I had met a really wonderful guy at school. He's an RM, and we were dating for a month or two before we decided to be exclusive.

But during the time that he was my boyfriend, my feelings weren't very consistent. Most times I felt like I was just going through the actions of being in a relationship, and not so much that I actually liked him. I enjoyed being close with him, especially cuddling and kissing. :) But there was a big problem: I wasn't physically attracted to him. At all. I've thought plenty of boys were cute, but not this one. I began to feel guilty that I couldn't just overlook it. I wondered if I was being shallow.

I knew I needed guidance, and so I prayed. The impression I got was that he would be a wonderful husband and father. But my Heavenly Father also wanted me to be happy. And from that answer, I determined that I wasn't happy in the relationship with the RM.

I ended our relationship right before the school year came to a close. I moved back home, and he moved back to his home (in a different state). The break-up was hard on us both because we were very close; I felt like he was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything, and never feel uncomfortable or stupid. We decided to be "just friends", and we regularly talked over the phone. I know now why you say guys and girls can't be friends. I've wound myself up in a big problem. My feelings have lessened over time for him, but his feelings are still very strong for me.

I feel like I've led him on this whole time, because we still talked about our feelings for each other. But now I know that he needs to get over me and start pursuing other girls. He hasn't dated anyone else since we split.

So my questions are....

How do I get him to move on? (Without breaking his heart in two again.)

Do I really have to lose a best friend?

And how do I finally move on as well?


-Fence Sitter in Vegas

Dear Sitter,

Well, let me start by having you explain something: what do you mean you're not physically attracted to him?

You thought he was good looking enough to go out with, and kissing him didn't repulse you . . . so what gives?

- Bro Jo