Hey, Bro Jo.
Who am I? Wellll. I'm a barely-seventeen year old girl, born and raised in the church, and all that. Trust me on this one, I'm very interested in keeping the standards and doing what's good for me in the long run. That's pretty much why I'm here.
I've been struggling for a long time now (we're talking a couple of years) with knowing how to handle a particular aspect of my life. I have a good friend that is, yes, a boy. And yeah, as we have discovered, you're right, guys and girls can't be friends forever. We met on my first day of high school, and kind of hit it off...I'm not anti-social or anything, but it can be kindof hard for me to get to know people. But with this guy, it's always been easy, just to talk to about anything or to confide anything in. Actually, a couple of weeks after school had started, he asked me to a movie, and I explained to him that I couldn't go, and why. (I wasn't old enough. I guess this is where I add that he's not a member.) He respected that; he always has. He even started to date a good friend of mine. But it never stopped us from developing a really awesome friendship. His family moved out of state, and while it took some adjusting, it was never really more than a minor inconvenience. We have kept in contact, despite living in two different states, for almost two years now.
For a long time, we didn't talk about feelings we had for each other. It just wasn't appropriate, because he's had a couple of girlfriends, and besides that, it's awfully hard to date someone when you live hundreds of miles away from them, anyway. And, thirdly, I guess, I think we'd both convinced each other that the feelings were one-sided and not returned. But the feelings have always there, and, as I have been reminded more than once by friends and mutual friends, it's been painfully obvious that there was some kind of attraction there that neither of us would admit to. Actually, to be honest, there have been times when we've even admitted it, and then a couple of days later talked about it and made the decision to NOT act on it, because of the distance, and gone right back to living in denial. I'm certainly not about to have a closed relationship with someone, and since we can't just casually date, we were better off keeping things friendly.
For a long time, we've just been best friends.
ANYWHO, now that you have allll of that background, here's the thing. About a month ago, he started to act a bit..clingy, I guess? I don't mean to make that sound negative..I just mean, he called a lot more and made it a point to tell me a lot that I was his best friend and I'd done more for him than I knew and..well..stuff like that. So I started to wonder if maybe something was up..and one night, I asked. And...catching me a LITTLE bit off guard..he wound up spilling a lot.
He told me that he felt like he could tell me anything, and that it had always been easy for him to trust me with anything, and he said he'd do anything for me and he felt like I was the only person other than family that he could trust not to abuse that...and he told me that he "had known for a long time that I was the one" and talked about this and that...and he told me he loved me, Bro Jo! Oi vey...
And I feel like maybe its important to mention that he didn't talk about sex. He told me he wanted to kiss me, and told me multiple times that he thinks I'm pretty, and what not, but he didn't dwell on those enough to make me worry that that was the only thing he was after. He knows my morals back and forth, because my religion is just something that comes up a lot as a topic of conversation.
I guess I'm just looking for guidance. Firstly, because I know I'm only seventeen. And..that's young, right? I know I should only be casually dating. And I plan to. I have a date coming up with another guy, in fact. I've told this friend that I don't want a committed relationship, and I've told him why, and he's been good about that. But secondly, I just want to know if it's wrong to be feeling this way about someone. He's not a member of the church. Right now, I am firmly rooted on my decision to marry a priesthood holder, in the temple. But this guy has shown interest in the church, and there's a very real possibility that he could be a member a few years down the road. I've read here before that you think it's possible to find your eternal companion when you're young. I really, really like this guy, and he's someone that I could see myself with (when the timing is right). But, he being a nonmember and us being...once again...seventeen, I don't want to do anything now that will throw me off what I need to be doing in order to get to the temple one day with the RIGHT guy.
I meant to mention it earlier, but since I haven't, I love this blog...thanks so much for clearing up some of the gray areas! I feel like you really know what you're talking about and can help me out a little...
--Me
Dear You,
Thank you, you're welcome, and I'll do my best.
First of all, I apprecaite your being thourough. Secondly, I'm glad you're so committed to following the principles that lead us back to Heavenly Father.
Yes, I do believe that it's possible to meet someone who will be a good spouse long before either of you are old enough to either realize or act upon those revelations and feelings. And I also believe that converts make good Eternal Companions.
(Let me offer a slight tangent here: in order for any of us to be a Good Eternal Companion we must become Converted to the Gospel, and that certainly includes those that are members of the Church from birth. Conversion is something that happens in the heart and soul, not because of what are parents believe, how we are raised, or becuase we turn a particular age.)
But let me also say that a person needs to join the Church for them, not for you or me. It must be a personal decision, not something that's done because it's the only way we'll marry them. To that end, while I think it's OK for you to date the Young Man (Casually and in a Group, as you noted), I advise against anything becoming serious between you two until After he's converted, should that indeed be the case.
More to your core question: No, there's nothing wrong with the attraction you feel. Men and Women are SUPPOSED to be attracted to each other!
Longing to kiss and be kissed, looking forward to physical intimacy, those are all natural things, and I believe that those feelings can be a gift and a blessing. Remember that the Natural Man, who ACTS upon his instincts, is an enemy to God, but the man (and woman) that follow's God's plan for us, including marriage and savig sex for then, is the Lord's friend because he (and she) is obeying his commandments, doing things in the order He prescribes, and working to raise a righteous posterity.
As for you being "the one" (Oy vey indeed!) . . . well . . . first of all, as much of a Romantic as I am (and just ask Sister Jo, she'll tell you it's true) . . . there's no such thing. The truth is that there are LOTS of people that could make a good spouse and eternal companion for you, and likewise there are LOTS of people you may be right for.
(My favorite anecdote about this is when the future Sister Hinckley had a young man tell her on a date that the Spirit told him that they were destined to be together, and she countered with that she had yet to receive that revelation.)
Stay committed to your goals of Temple Marriage and an Eternal family, and try to not allow attraction to become confused and mixed in with conversion.
Keep up the Casual Group Dating; you're still young.
- Bro Jo
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