Dear Bro Jo,
I have never been able to make friends with girls very easily so most of my friends are boys. I haven’t ever found really common interests among the girls here and never clicked.
Don’t get me wrong I've tried many times.
So after being the only girl on the school’s football team for the last three years and seeming to like things that mainly guys like resulted into most of my friends being guys. I just can relate to them better.
So I recently read on how boys and girls can never be friends I don’t know what to think. I mean there is a lot of truth to it.
I have had problems of some of my friends liking me but I always cut it off when I found out and I also have the guy friends who are like my 'girlfriends' meaning they actually listen and we hang out and I consider true friends but they never pulled anything and they like other girls cause they tell me about them and stuff.
So my question is what should I do??? Should I no longer hang out with them? And how do I obtain more friends that are girls when we don’t have much in common and most of them give me the time of day???
I mean I tried many times. I found it easier to keep my standards with guys than with the girls just trying to give a picture of how it is here.
The guys always were there like a brother. And now after high school I’m being shipped off for the military with a MOS that hardly any women go into.
What is your advice on what I should do???
-Confused Young Woman
Dear CYW,
We could go into a long analysis of why you make friends easier with boys than girls (which isn’t than uncommon, by the way), but that doesn’t seem to be the real issue . . .
Instead, let’s focus on the questions you actually asked.
1) Should you “hang out” with guys? Yes and no. If you’re talking about spending time with your fellow soldiers as a group, I’d not only say that’s fine, but an appropriate and required part of your chosen career; soldiers stick together like family. If you’re talking about having a couple guys hang out at your house, treating you like a Girlfriend, Wife, or Mother, I’d say “no”. You need to establish a line that separates you from “pal” to “woman” in certain social settings. It will be tough, but you’ll need to work at defining and identifying who are your “brothers” in arms and who are your potential boyfriends. You may want to draw that line at work, choosing not to date anyone you serve with – that’s what I’d recommend.
2) How do you get some good girl-friends? Start at Church, looking for Sisters that you can bond with. You have to be a friend in order to have a friend. Rather than alienate, look for opportunities to serve. Women are territorial (written as I brace myself for an onslaught of comments about THAT one), so don’t be threatening or condescending. No woman will be excited to be your friend if she fears you may steal her husband or boyfriend.
And remember that you're a Daughter of God, and as such have intrinsic value, not just as a future spouse, but as a Good Friend, too. Don't write off every woman out there; there are sisters that have something to offer you, and you have something you can offer them as well.
Beyond that, let’s open this one up to our readers.
Sisters, what makes another Sister a Good Friend?
- Bro Jo
3 comments:
Dear CYW,
Just so you know you are not alone in this situation as there are other girls too who are facing similar situations. My sister can highly relate with what you are going thru as many girls are threatened by the fact that she easily hangs and gets accepted by boys. As her older sister and confidante she vents to me at various times with her frustration with girls how she finds them at times superficial and waaaay too dramatic.
My advice to you is to turn to our Heavenly Father as he knows best and you probably already know that. He will help you out better than anyone else can.
As for the benefits of having sisters when you find those sisters whom you click with you will experience a type of love that connects deep within your soul the kind that helps you feel even closer to our Savior a love and bond that is selfless and pure. Not that I'm saying that you can't experience that with members of the opposite sex but having 3 younger sisters has provided me with that experience.
God Bless CYW
I think what makes a good friend most is sincerity. I've heard a lot of girls complain that the reason they hate hanging out with other girls is because all the girls they know are "fake" and "start drama" when the reality is drama is a two-way street.
There are always "potential friends" in your life and while making the initiative to start a friendship can be scary, it's hard to resist being friends with someone who is genuinely interested in your life and wants to spend time with you.
I've been that girl, who only hangs out with guys and while I had some great friends, you can be close to other girls in ways that you'll never be able to accomplish with guys, I promise.
Women need each other as friends in ways that men don't (in my opinion) and I think once you try it out, you'll get it. You don't have to have everything in common to be friends with someone and there are a lot of "girly girls" out there who know a lot about "guy" things and just don't look like it.
This was a lot longer and more detailed than I originally intended, but in short, try to be friends with other women, don't judge them at face value, and be the kind of friend you'd want to have.
Let's see, what makes a good friend? I would be willing to bet that the same things that make a good friend regardless of the girl or guy thing are the same. My best girl friends are the ones who pay attention to the things that are going on in my life and are genuinely interested in them. Sometimes we share things in common like interests and other times the only thing we have in common is that we're both girls, singl and members of the church. But there are so many interests that fall into that category the possibities are endless. My best friends are the ones who keep in contact with me whenever. Either dropping a line by phone or an actual old fashioned hand written note. I love sending things to them and they seem to like sending me things too. Right now I am in a situation where I am in a Family ward and the only girls my age are married with at least one kid. It makes it difficult to feel close to them simply because I am a newbie in their ward and have no clue as to what is going on in their lives. On the other hand, I have married friends from HS, College and mission who I am very close to even though they have kids now. I keep up with their life and their families and they keep up with my life too. A friend is basically someone you can share your laughs, cries, hopes and dreams with. It takes time and prayer to find a good friend. But they are out there. Don't give up.
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