Going Crazy . . . Sometimes

Dear Brother Jo,

I'm 18 and I'm in need of your help!

So I was recently in a relationship that lasted around four yrs. on and off till the February of this year. I ended things because well they were getting out of hand and fighting escalating. We still liked each other after and continued to date but he moved an hour away and I was devastated. During the summer, I went to a camp at BYU and realized that there were so many LDS young men out there and that there are FISH in the SEA! When I returned home (which is not in UT) he wanted to continue the relationship but I refused because I wanted to date other people. He was mad but I didn't change my mind.

So I dated around 7-8 boys and had tons of fun! But realized that I didn’t like any of them at all. Some things I liked but not everything. He got a girlfriend who is LDS too. And he's happy and seems happier so I'm happy for him.

Now a few months later after dating and having fun, I realize I miss him and keep dreaming about him. I miss our old friendship. We were literally best friends. What's a girl to do! We met when we were 13 and thought it was going to last forever. I don't necessarily want to erase him from my memory just not think about him as much and I kinda wish he dated several people so I could still date him. :(

Anywhoo . . . what do you suggest I do? I'm a senior who just recently applied to BYU so the dating pool will be bigger in several months but as of right now I need some advice :P :)

Thanks for everything!

Yours truly,

Bro Jo fan

p.s. In October (I hadn't seen him in 5 months or spoken to him) he came back in town and was a block away from my house& called and said I want to come get my sweater but I told him that I couldn't see him because all my feelings would return. He said the only reason he wanted to come to my house was to see me. He told me he thinks about me too but has a girlfriend and what not. I have not contacted him since and it’s hard because well.. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes lol



Dear Fan,

Wow. You two are WAY TOO serious for your age.

And there's a ton of red flags here.

1) Any guy who would cheat on his current girlfriend will likely cheat on the girl he cheats on her with.

2) You broke up because of escalating fighting. Sure, that can be a sign of passion (also not a good thing at your age), and yes when we were dating Sister Jo and I got into some pretty heated arguments, but it's not good to keep going back to a relationship that caused so much pain, even if there were lots of good times too.

3) You're totally confused about the purpose of teenage dating. You said that you had "tons of fun" with the 7 or 8 guys you went out with but that you "realized you didn't like them" - Casual Group Dating is not about you falling madly in like with someone, it's about going out and having fun.

What you should do is put this boy and your relationship with him on ice. I'm not suggesting you erase him from your memory, that would be both absurd and impossible.

Sister Jo and I have been together now longer than we've been alive and weren't together; so long in fact that I remember her as being the person I saw movies with which can't possibly be true because I saw them before we met . . . . However, I still remember bits and pieces of previous dates and crushes. (Some of them are fond memories, and some not. You can read about some of the "not" in the Fan Page Discussion "Breakup Stories".)

Maybe he's the guy for you, maybe he'd make a great spouse, and maybe not. The thing is that you've both got some life to live before you have that discussion, and if you keep getting back together (Bro Jo wonders, by the way, just how much of that is physical and hormonal - don't tell me "nothing" because I know just how touchy-feely teens who are in a "relationship" from 14-18 get and have gotten) then the likelihood of you putting things in the correct order gets less and less.

You should still be nice to him, but the coming over needs to stop. No more just the two of you alone time, either. If you want to go on a big Casual Group Date with him once every three or four other Casual Group Dates, I think that's fine, but stick to the Dating Rules.

Don't deny your feelings; just realize what lengths Satan will go to keep you unworthy of BYU and him unworthy of a mission.


- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

Wow you have a lot of wisdom on your shoulders!

Okay . . . I know I have been a bit exclusive but sometimes young teenyboppers think we know best and well we don't. But I think you're right about a lot of things and have really helped open my eyes! I did get too serious. But you aren't quite right on one thing, we never got touchy-feely to tell you the truth and that was the reason for the fighting. I said no and he was furious.

But I am very grateful for your advice it is something I will go to when I need to reassurance or just good advice. My mom says that sometimes I need to realize that maybe that relationship wasn’t love that it was just a habit.

He tried to add me on Facebook but I don't think I'm going to accept. I think that I am going to stay single and keep dating & have fun! :) I won’t forget the memories I had with him but I will move forward and just get closer to my Heavenly Father, focus on school, spend time with my familia and date! :D I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to respond to my email and help me out when I needed it most!

Thanks a million!

Bro Jo fan :)


Dear Fan,

Smart girl. Glad I could help. Proud of you!

- Bro Jo