Treading with Caution

Hey Bro Jo,

A long time member of my ward mentioned a couple weeks ago that her non-LDS Granddaughter expressed interest in coming to our ward. This older member was pretty excited but didn't really know what to do with her Granddaughter when she came. The member approached my Mom who is a primary teacher of the ward's 3-year-olds and asked if her Granddaughter could hang out with my Mom in her class since she knew her Granddaughter likes kids. My Mom told me about this and I thought it would be cool to hang out with her and take her where around with kids her age. We're both within the same year or so of each other so we would be in the same Sunday school class anyway.

Now, to be completely honest I remember meeting this young lady when I was about 8. Her and I both went to a Young Women's boating trip when my Mom and her Grandma were Young Women's advisors. This member's Granddaughter came to an Ice Cream and Pie ward social a couple months ago but I didn't get a chance to talk to her. I told this member that I would be happy to hang out with her Granddaughter and take her around church and she seemed to get pretty excited about it.

I found this young woman on Facebook and wanted to know if it would be creepy to send a friend request and just say "Hey! I remember you from when we were younger and heard you were interested in coming to our ward with your Grandma. I would love to hang out with you and show you around." Or would it be better to let this member just get her Granddaughter to come, meet her, take her around church, and THEN friend request her/ hang out with her, try and get her to spend some time with the ward youth to get her more comfortable/get to know her more. Alternately, if I met her and got her to to come meet everyone and hang out before church she might be more comfortable and know a few more people when she did come to church and it wouldn't be a totally alien experience for her.

I would love to get to know her and make her a friend since I always love meeting new people, but I want to be as cautious as possible. In the event that this young lady decides she does not wish to continue coming to church for whatever reason should it happen, I DO NOT want it to be because of something I did. The way I see it there are numerous obstacles in the way of jumping into religion, many of which deal with the social aspects, not knowing anyone, not wanting to be judged, etc. So it would be in anyone's best interest in removing as many social obstacles as possible so that the investigator can focus on finding their Spiritual answers and gaining a testimony rather than feeling uncomfortable, lonely, or out of place. I want to tread lightly so this girl doesn't think the dang Mermons are coming for her, but I would to be bold enough to offer her friendship.

What are your thoughts on this, my good friend?

-Rico (That's not my real name)



Dear Rico,

I've been thinking about this all week, and I think you should send her a message through Facebook (you can typically do that before you make a friend request) saying just what you said before: "hey, heard you were coming out soon, I'd love to show you around when you get here". If she responds in any kind of positive way, then place the friend request. If she doesn't respond, don't give up, but do back off a little. She may not check the page often, or doesn't feel like she remembers or knows you well. In that case just wait until you see her, and when you do say a casual "hi". Engage her in conversation if she responds then. Maybe offer to show her to class or introduce her to some other kids your age. Stuff like that.

You're wise to be cautious, and I appreciate that you're putting missionary opportunities before romance, even though that might be nice, too.

Once you meet her, don't get caught in the "Facebook" trap; get to know her in person, don't hide behind the technology. (The same thing is true for texting, by the way.)

As you said, tread lightly, but to take a little initiative.

Let me know how it goes,

- Bro Jo