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Friday, November 11, 2011

Getting Out of the "Little Sister" Zone

Dear Bro Jo,

I am the 5th of 6 children and the last of two girls. All of my siblings and I get along fantastically and share many ideals. I am wonderful at being a sister, and, being 5'4'' in a family of 6 foot giants, especially good at being a little sister. I only have 3 biological big brothers, but I have about 10-12 other "big brothers". I am especially good friends with my actual brother who is 3 years older than I am- and I am friends with all of his friends (my "big brothers" (by the way- all of them are 5-8 inches taller than me.)) It was great to have them when I needed someone to open up a jar or reach something on the top shelf or even get out of an awkward situation at a dance. But as you have said many a time "men and women can't stay just as close friends".

I guess that this isn't much of an immediate problem seeing as most of them are currently serving missions or about to serve, (I am 17 3/4 and they range from 19-20) I love writing them and getting letters from them but now there is a dilemma- all of them see me as their "little sister". Several have even introduced me to people as such! While I love getting the bear hugs and having friendly competitions, the phrase is starting to worry me. What if I don't want to hear about their stories of the girls they have dated? What if I want to be the girl they like?

All of these boys are made of the best things- honor, virtue, strength, love, testimony, sympathy, and for the most part musical skills. All of them are basically the only boys i would even ever think about dating in my stake! (and the only ones on my missionary brother's "approved" list.)

I honestly don't really know what I am asking. maybe I want to know if I even have a chance with any of them or will I be the eternal "little sister".

Or maybe I want to know how I can change that status in the eyes of other guys later on in life. I'm going off to college soon and I have been so protected by "big brothers" that I have never been on a date and even if I had I wouldn't be able to compare them to my brother's friends- my friends.

So I guess that is what I'm asking.

Help? Please? Pretty, pretty please?

-Hermanita (little sister in spanish. I felt like going bilingual)

Hola Hermanita,

I think it's time you do the one little sister thing that you've failed to do: speak up.

I think you need to have a "family meeting" with the big brothers and read them the riot act (like little sisters can do).

You need to tell them, clearly and specifically, that the "big brother" routine was cute when you were younger, but that its time they, individually and as a group recognize that you're no longer a child. You're a Young Woman of Value and as such should have gone on lots of Casual Group Dates but they, to a man, failed to do the right thing. Tell them that their negligence has put you in the unenviable situation of going to college with no dating experience, and that girls with no experience often date the wrong guys in college out of desperation. Unless they want that guilt on their conscious (and you intend to hold each of them personally and spiritually responsible), they better figure out amongst themselves who's going to step up and take you out and when, and that you hope each of them has the courage and intelligence to take you out at least once.

After all, you'll conclude, one of them may turn out to be the lucky man that marries you when he returns from his mission, and it sure would be a shame if someone lost his chance now by failing to act.

Then you drop a calendar of you dating availability on the table with a pen and a list of stuff you like to do.

Then you turn around and walk away.

Anything less probably won't have an effect; if they don't clue in after this, they may never.

Desperate times call for clear action!

Good luck,

- Bro Jo

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